Parenting can be a wild ride. You never know what to expect when children are involved. But in addition to these unpredictable bundles of chaos, there are some parental mysteries that no one will ever be able to solve. We’ll have to just file them under the same category as the Bermuda Triangle, the Loch Ness Monster and the continuing popularity of Scampi Fries.
Here are those enduring magical mysteries of parenting:
The Never-Empty Dishwasher
No one enjoys emptying the dishwasher, but there is a sense of satisfaction when it’s done. For about two minutes. Because, once it is empty, that is how long it takes to fill up again. You might not even think there were that many dirty items lined up, but somehow there is always another load’s worth.
It might be that you’ve performed a commando mission into the pits of your teenager’s bedroom. Or you’ve found the plate your toddler shoved under the sofa. Whatever it is, no sooner are the old dishes, cups and cutlery put away than you’re popping in another tablet and setting it to go.
How do so few people get through so many pots? There are some things we will never know.
The Unfinishable Ironing Pile
On a similar tack; how come a small family can wear the equivalent of the contents of Primark’s main distribution centre in one week? Are they performing multiple Beyonce-style costume changes throughout the school day? This is the only explanation as to why the ironing pile never seems to reach its end.
You could book a week off work just to concentrate on ironing, which to be fair would be less laborious than some family holidays, and still never finish. Where there is a family, there is a pile of crumpled garments crying out for a thorough steam. Try digging down one day. You might find that the clothes you never reach at the bottom, the ones you bought new and wore only once, are now vintage and worth a fortune on Etsy.
The Lonely Socks
Another washing-based parenting mystery is the story of the lonely socks. If you collect all of the single socks together, you would have a collection larger than the paired-socks of the entire family put together. Where do the missing pairs go? It should not be this hard to keep the pairs together, but somehow it is.
The worst offenders are the white. frilly school socks that primary-aged girls love so much. You think they would all be the same, but no! They are all slightly different in design. So much so that matching them up (if it were ever really possible) would be like playing Pick a Pair on the Elite level.
Word of warning: unlike the dirty dishes, do NOT go exploring your teenage boy’s bedroom for discarded socks. Just write them off as a total loss.
The Pudding Stomach
You’ve slaved for hours over the perfect lasagne. It contains that masterful mix of creamy sauce, prime beef mince, hidden veg and delicious cheese. Your kids take three bites, turn up their noses and say that they are full. However, somehow they have the ability to wolf down six biscuits, four scoops of ice cream, three chocolate bars and a yogurt for ‘pudding’. Why has there not been any research into the phenomenon of the ‘pudding stomach’? Because the mainstream media don’t want you to know about it, that’s why.