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Connecting with your partner after a long day of parenting

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Published on 23/09/2021

It’s been a long day at work, looking after the kids, sorting out squabbles, and hunting for missing socks. Once you have put everyone to bed and no one needs you, it’s finally your time to relax.  While you might sit back and tv, scrolling through social media, have you ever thought about using that time to help your children work on their marriage?

Why evenings are a good time to work on your relationship

You might be shattered and can’t wait for some downtime, these can fall into unhealthy patterns particularly with your partner.  You might be choosing me-time over shared quality time, or spending your time together doing something passive like watching tv.  You might be functioning well as two separate people but not as a couple.

The first thing you need to understand is that all relationships take work, and it can be easy to spend your whole time focused on parenting.  This is why so many parents end up drifting apart from each other.  We stop fighting hard for our relationship and let cracks form and only realise when it’s hard to salvage.

While it is perfectly acceptable to have some alone time, make sure that you don’t fall into the trap of spending every night alone.  This is good for some nights, but make sure you are careful so that you don’t get into the habit of spending every night like this.

Reconnecting needs to be a regular choice or it won’t happen.

There’s nothing passive about a good relationship, so use your evenings to optimise time spent together.  It will take you from feeling like roommates to a team again.

 

1. Cook together

While you or your partner may arrive too late for you to eat dinner as a family, it can be nice to wait for each other.  Once the kids are in bed, then you can cook for each other.  Spending time in the kitchen cooking strengthens you as a team as you are working together.  If you limit yourself to quick meals, then you can chat away and supper will be on the table in no time.

2. Cup of tea and chat

A cup of tea always manages to set the world to rights.  It gives you time to sit and think and discuss your day.  You can chat about anything and everything and it is timed to about 15 minutes.  It helps to keep your connection strong

3. Dream together

You can get carried away dreaming with each other, but this is really important in relationships.  You can dream about houses, discuss holidays and make plans for jobs, activities to do with the family.  I am sure that most of the things you chat about will never end up happening, but in the process, you will learn a bit more about each other.  This is less about goal setting and more about imagining the “what ifs” together.

4. Go to bed at the same time

This is hard.  You might be a night owl or a morning bird, but going to sleep at the same time can work wonders for your relationship.  While it might not be the easiest thing to do, it allows for cuddles and chats when you are drifting off. While these are little things, they help keep the both of you connected.

Connecting with your partner after a long day of parenting, Loose Dads Banner 1%, love-and-relationships%th partner

5. Sit outside

Fresh air is fantastic, and if you go out on a sunny evening you will also be boosting your sex drive with sunlight acting as an aphrodisiac.

6. Spend the evening in bed

This can be a lovely thing to do together.  Put the kids to bed, take a shower, brush your teeth, and then snuggle up next to your partner and spend some relaxing time together. Whether you scroll through social media and show each other funny videos, plan out the next day, or vent about the little things; it’s a lovely and comfortable way to hang out.

7. Play a game together

Scrabble, a computer game, a board game, it doesn’t matter!  The fun competition that this created helps to maintain a healthy connection.  If this doesn’t do it for you, why not give a jigsaw puzzle a go?

8. Work on a project together

Creating something together can be magical, and I don’t just mean the kids!  Make something lovely for your home, or work on a DIY project together.  This could be a spice wrack, decluttering your wardrobes or building an IKEA bookshelf.  Find a way to combine your talents, or work together to get the job done.  By working as a team you will have something fun to do along the way, even if things don’t go according to plan!

 

What are your favourite evening activities to connect with your partner? Tell us in the comment below!

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