Hi there Dante – sounds like you’re going through a really tough time of it.
I’m sorry to hear that you are suffering. It’s great that you are seeking professional help, definitely keep going with that.
Your kids are lucky to have you. You are the only father they will ever have and when times get hard, try to remind yourself that is the only job that really matters!
It’s a brave move to share your inner feelings like you have. Something I have learned about people (and other men espresso) is that everyone is dealing with feelings of fear, self loathing and confusion to some extent. Anyone who appears to have it all worked out is just better at hiding it.
I’m finding it really powerful at the moment to try to separate my negative thoughts and fears about the past and future from the real human me. And if that fails I don’t try to block out bad feelings, I just let them happen and try to observe them.
A couple of books that have changed my thinking/my life are:
The Chimp Paradox
The Power of Now.
Just remember no matter how bad it seems at any moment, everything will pass.