Your post sounds remarkably similar to the birth of our first born, Toby. I ended up seeing way to much of my partner ‘over the green sheet’ in the operating theatre during the emergency section, and your description of the doctors and nursing staff moving your baby’s ‘limp body’ away to work on him is exactly what happened to us. It took them 3 very long minutes to get him breathing. The shit show of labor where we could have lost our little one and or Francesca, and being ignored by the doctors.So I’ve an idea of what you’ve been through.
PTSD is pretty much where it’s at I imagine. I struggle to get my head around having Toby and even dare I say it, loving him, for the first 3 months. I was a complete mess.
I’d like to reassure you though, I too took a trip to the doctors and was able to talk a lot about how I felt. Talking to Francesca as well as a very good counsellor helped me realise that I wasn’t ‘odd’ in feeling the way I did. And that what I had been through was pretty bloody dreadful. That as the fragile human beings that we are, big traumatic events can have a big impact.
However, and this is important, we can and do work them through. I promise you.
It really sounds like you are doing *everything* right. Talking to your wife, going to the doc, and taking the medication that has been prescribed. And coming on here too.
Be kind to yourself. Don’t expect yourself to come good straight away. You’ve been through **a lot** and it will take time to get better.
If you would like a chat, just to vent, to shout, to cry or to just natter for a bit, please drop me a message (if you can do that through here haha I’m not sure) and I’ll pass on my mobile number.
Take it easy