Hi Dan,
It sounds like you both really need outside help to find out what you both really feel.
Some kind of counselling, be it marriage guidance or another type can really help you both offer your true feelings in an unbiased environment.
We all do things we later regret, but it very much sounds like you both need to understand what it is you exactly want.
Have you told your wife how much it hurts you every time she reminds you that you cheated? Have you ‘really’ talked to her about it and other issues?
I think before giving up on a once good relationship you should always seek professional help for all your sakes.
Hope that helps.