Reply To: Three years since seeing my children

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#28769

Monarch04
Participant

I assume your childfren have chosen not to see you, due to their age there is no legal way to enforce this either.
Im not going to bash you as affairs are never black and white despite what people would like to think.
It’s hard to advise you without knowing what reasons your children are giving – was it a very bitter break up? have you been fair finacially towarards thier Mum during that process?
I understand your feelings, my Husbands oldest from his first marriage has chosen to cut him off completley and the middle child is not that far behind (only apearing when he needs help wth something or money) his relationship with the youngest is ok.
It’s very tough and of course you are up against other inlfuences in how your children are interpreting everything you have done and the creation of the person you really are.
The biggest probelm for my Husband is that they are encouraged to focus on the negative and there is no encouragement for any positive feelings – amything postive over their lifetime has been wiped.
There isn’t an over night fix for this, be available, send birthday cards etc but in the mean time try and get on with your life the best you can.
My Husbands councellor said that the change is likely to only come once they leave the nest and are able to consider forging a relationship with you where they feel less guilty for being diss loyal to their Mum, when under her roof and still realiant on her means they will not rock that boat.
sending you supoort – I am a divorced Mum myslef and it makes me soo angry that children feel they can’t love both their parents without back lash.
Also I should say I had a fractious relationship with my father, but now as an adult we are in a good place and I wish I had let go of the past feelings years ago, what a waste that was – they will come round one day just make peace with yourself that it won’t be soon