2nd class citizens

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This topic contains 14 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by  James 5 days, 8 hours ago.

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  • #24799

    Anonymous

    Hi dads.
    Currently having a newborn in hospital waiting for his arrival. Just hit me that dads on labour wards seem to be invisible..
    Sat yesterday for 12 hours never offered a drink or anything i felt invisible. It was a disgrace and made me feel quite mad. All the tax and national insurance i pay and not even a courtesy of a teabag now and then or even just like i had a right to be there supporting my missus and waiting for our miracle..
    Have any of you experienced same treatment??

  • #24801

    Dominic Hayhoe
    Keymaster

    I think it can feel like this, although obviously the mother is the most important person of course.
    NHS staff are also seriously undermanned and over worked most of the time, so I always tried to stay out of their way!

  • #24803

    Anonymous

    Yes mate i appreciate all your saying. I just dont think a bit of involvement for the babys father is too much of a stretch it just left me feeling a bit uninvolved tbh

  • #24845

    James Cluck
    Participant

    I’m pretty sure you aren’t that bothered about having a cuppa or not – and your point is more that you felt completely neglected by staff. I get that they’re busy and that the mother is the primary concern but it’s all too easy to forget that the birth of a child is an experience for both mum and dad.

    I agree, it wouldn’t take much to acknowledge that this is a very special and important moment in your life too.

    I understand that individual midwives are stretched and busy – it’s not their fault – the NHS as a whole should look at the understaffing issue.

  • #25163

    2 things toolbelt.

    1: This experience should never be about you. But since your frail ego can’t seem to handle that…

    Congratulations on putting your pee-pee in a vagina until climax. Might I offer you a beverage? Perhaps a tea?

    2: If you were there for the missus… ACTIVELY there for the missus, you wouldn’t “feel invisible” you’d be too concerned with her to care.

    Every hospital I’ve ever been to I acknowledge my role as support for the patient.

    To encourage, make sure they know they aren’t alone, to help with pain, fear, and boredom.

    If I want a tea, I get it for myself. I ask the patient if they want something.

    The hospital staff has always treated me with kindness. They were accommodating, and complimentary. (Compliments make me uncomfortable)

    It’s obvious you’re somewhat of a selfish jerk. Because you take a time when your wife is in great pain, she’s scared, she’s anxious, she’s pushing a human out of her body… and you make a point to draw attention to how you were deprived of attention.

    “Like I didn’t have a right to be there supporting my missus”

    What in the passive-aggressive, in no way did you actually feel this, narcissistic, self-prescribed, victimhood is this bullshit?

    I hope this child matures you.

    • #25169

      Anonymous

      Lol thanks for your input

    • #25270

      Paulo Fandango
      Participant

      absolutely spot on, fantastic reply

      came across the post on twitter and plenty of love for your perfect response

  • #25201

    Craig Britzman
    Participant

    I think you’re perfectly capable of getting yourself a drink while the hospital staff focus on keeping tens of new/imminent mothers and children healthy.

    Personally I dropped the ego and was there for my wife and child doing whatever little jobs I could to help. I have nothing but the utmost respect and gratitude towards the undermanned NHS staff who day in day out help parents through childbirth.

  • #25217

    MarkHB
    Participant

    This is a joke post surely?
    My wife went through a 72 hour labour ending in an emergency C section for our first and we spent 9 hours waiting for a C section for our second.
    At no point in that 81 hours did I want someone to make me a cup of tea.

    Should have packed snacks and drinks in your hospital bag, could have used the time sat to walk down the corridor and found the cafe/vending machine, could have used the tongue in your head.

    You are as involved in the birth of your child as you want to be.

    Give your head a wobble.

  • #25225

    Sammy Fillan
    Participant

    2nd class citizen you are indeed, but only because of how you behaved, like a member of a lower class of human beings.

    I’m not surprised that you kept this post anonymous, unprecedented levels of selfishness. Seriously, I’ve never seen anything like it.

    In that room there was a woman, performing what I believe to be nothing short of a miracle, presumably there were midwives and other medical staff working their assess off to make sure your lass and baby boy get through the incredibly complex, painful, stressful awesome situation that is childbirth, for which they get paid (not nearly enough) by the tax and national insurance that WE ALL pay. And then there was you, sitting in the corner, sulking like a fucking child because no one offered you a cup of tea…. Get your own stuff you lazy twat!

    I didn’t think people like you actually existed. I genuinely hope that your son grows to be a kind, thoughtful, selfless human being, by actively trying to be the opposite of his useless, shit cunt of a father.

  • #25305

    JEng23
    Participant

    Was there not a cafeteria at your hospital?
    Vending machines?
    Are you wheelchair bound or have some other disability that would stop you from GETTING OFF YOUR OWN ASS to fetch your own cuppa tea?
    Or is your ego and entitlement so inflated that you believe a nurse whose primary goal is medical care to your laboring wife, should stop what she’s doing to wait on you? Those nurses spent several years attaining an education on medical care, not to be a server or wait staff.

    Sure, you can argue that they should have acknowledged you, but did you take a look to see how many other women were in labor? Maybe they had a fetal demise the same day and we’re tending to a grieving family.
    Possibly, the nurses were fighting to keep a mother alive who had ruptured mid labor.

    But, I have a huntch that despite all that you still feel entitled to someone waiting on you instead of getting your own refreshments.

    I feel bad for your wife.

  • #25309

    Matt Bradley
    Participant

    I didn’t pay my taxes so that qualified midwives and nursing staff could be running around making tea and coffee for perfectly able bodied grown men.

    Get off your arse and switch the kettle on yourself. It is surprisingly easy to do.

  • #25322

    Amandatruck
    Participant

    Whilst you may feel rather put out by your experience recently, I would like to add a few points that may help you feel differently. I’ve worked clinically as a Midwife for 27 years now. Sadly and worrying I’ve never witnessed maternity services to be so stretched or under pressure. We are facing unprecedented staff shortages owing to years of chronic underfunding. Our lovely European colleagues are leaving in droves due to the current toxic environment in the UK. Student numbers are down due to exorbitant training costs. And our older colleagues are retiring early due to massive pressures. Coupled with programmes such as One Born Every Minute that promote unfeasibly fluffy ideas of what birth is like – well the maternity services are under fire from every direction. On my first night shift of the week I had to deal with a drunk husband (on a Monday too! Who gets drunk on a Monday?) who was most unhelpfully passing insulting remarks about my colleagues sitting on their arses. My colleagues were actually dealing with three stillbirths and the mountains of paperwork that goes with them. He also helpfully commented repeatedly on what a cushy job being a midwife was. Fortunately he didn’t have to witness what sort of work we have to do when a woman has a major obstetric hemorrhage or somesuch light weight event. I plied him with plenty of coffee to try to sober him up as his partner for various reasons desperately needed him there when I could have called security and had him thrown out. I was already busy enough without having to run about after a drunk. With already pressured services I would suggest you you perhaps see that there are other things happening on busy units other than to be looking after you and your needs. Namely the safety of your partner and baby and other women and if you are mature enough to be bringing a child into the world then you should be mature enough to get your own refreshments and organise your own support network.

  • #25326

    Al Ferguson
    Keymaster

    Could you (the original poster) please get in touch with us directly?

    media@thedadsnet.com

    We have sent you a private message also.

    Thanks,

  • #25477

    James
    Participant

    Haha, too good to be true. I’m an IT Security Specialist, but since OP is so important I’m sure I can let a few hackers past the firewall while I fetch him a well deserved cup of tea :D No matter if your job involves preventing security threats, or literally preventing deaths of women and children, no one should be to busy to acknowledge a sperm donors lack of attention and caffeinated beverages while his wife is just lazing about for nine months, doing little more than popping out the next generation caffeinated beverages fetchers.

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