[Joel Rothwell]

Hi guys, apologies in advance for the following essay I hope you can keep up.

I have 2 kids, a son(14) and daughter (6)

Here’s the backstory, I haven’t had any contact with my son for 11 years, the relationship with his mum broke down & I was left emotionally & financially ruined, suicidal & spent nearly 2 years pieceing myself back together.

Fast forward to now,

My ex (daughters mum) is a narcissistic, controlling piece of work & has happily indulged in using my daughter as a tool to control me, my relationships (personal, family & friends) and of course my finances, to the point I’ve finally snapped & told her I no longer want anything to do with my daughter.

This is far from the case, I love my daughter dearly & have a great relationship with her & it’s breaking me that I’ll only be able to maintain this if I yet again bow down to my ex like I have done for the past 6yrs.

So hears the question…. do I stick by my gun’s and stop seeing my daughter all in the hope that it’ll finally force my ex to come to a suitable agreement for once, or do bow down again just to safeguard my relationship with my daughter no matter the cost.

Now Here’s the crux of it all, just to add the bit of depth to the lake of s**t I find myself wading through.

Over the last 2 years the ex’s demands have got more frequent & more hostile to the point that it affected my work/life & health and I had a heart attack (at 36!!) In February this year.
I’ve only just been able to go back to work and as you can imagine finances have been stretched to the max but I have kept up CM payments as my ex has told me that although she doesn’t need the money & it goes straight into savings for my daughter that i have to keep up regular payments, if I have to sell things to survive that’s ‘my problem, not hers’.
We also had a ‘contract’ where by we both agreed on several matters regarding my daughter that ‘I’ have to adhere to but since its conception the ex has broken/amended the ‘contract’ to suit her needs.

My new partner, has a great relationship with my daughter & has actively campaigned to help out where she can but my ex has stated that this help can only come during the school holidays as during the week I should be working and if my job means I’m required to work anytime during the weekend I must change my job.

Tie this in with all the other stresses of life,work,finances ect I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do for the best, the suicidal thoughts have returned and I can’t help but think it’s the only way out, I’m not in a position financially to seek out a solicitor & I can’t eve bring myself to even want to talk to my ex, if I’m being honest, I feel like ending her life rather than my own.

I just need some help, advice ir even just a kicking so I can get my head our my arse & now which way to go moving forward.

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