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Anxiety about becoming a parent

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    • #159737


      My wife and I have always wanted to start a family but recently I’m having doubts, I think I’ll be a crap dad, I used to suffer with anxiety and depression, I still sometimes struggle to cope with things and have very little patience.
      I’ve been a stepdad before to two little girls who were 3 and 4 when I came into their lives and stayed for 8 years, I really enjoyed being a step dad but all that was about 8 years ago and I’ve changed a lot since. I’ve had a lot of counselling to deal with the abuse my father put me through as a child and as a result I’ve dealt with a lot of issues and I now know who I am and who I am not.
      We’ve got my nephew here this weekend, he’s 18 months old and honestly I couldn’t not see a world where I cope with doing this 24/7, my wife knows I struggle to cope with things and she can see this weekend I’m not coping with having him around but she still thinks I’d be a good parent, I’m not convinced at all that I will.
      Any advice would be really appreciated.

    • #160661

      First of all I’m really sorry to hear about the way you were treated as a child, and how much that has affected you as an adult.

      You are not your father, and your capacity to love your own children is infinite. I have little patience for other’s children but I have all the time in the world for my own children.

      There are two ways to think about it, or rather two paths.

      The first is: you become your father. This is a horrible thing to think, after all, he sounds like a nightmare. However some abused children do grow up to be abusive parents. But wait a second…

      The second is: the vast majority do not. Having experienced the worst that children should experience, it is true that there is an increased chance that these poor people become abusers themselves. The fact is, though, that most do not. Their formative experiences actually make them even better parents, as they wish to ensure that their children grow up in a loving home, something they themselves never experienced.

      I believe that you want to be better than your father, and from your own words and actions it’s obvious you know that you need to work on yourself. Having a baby is a lifelong commitment, and a lifelong joy.

      In the end, only you and your partner can decide, but her faith in you must tell you something that your low self esteem denies. You would be a loving, kind father and your children will be blessed because of that.

      Best wishes.

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