[Jim Taylor]

Hi everyone,

I would really appreciate and love some advice from someone if possible. I have been somewhat baby-trapped by my x. We got pregnant on our second date and I said I would support her (under the proviso that we would work it out, be friendly etc if we didn’t work out romantically) and tried to continue the relationship but it broke down. We weren’t right for each other and I mostly ended it believing (and still do) that it was the kindest thing for me, her and the baby. However, it has become clear that this was NOT a complete mistake on her part to get pregnant at all, and she is not upholding her promise to make things work despite not being romantically involved.

We have been working to rebuild, and there are some small positive signs. The core problems are:

1. She is in no way taking responsibility for her part to play and all the blame is on me.
2. She is peddling this idea that she is not earning or won’t be able to earn income (which is simply not true) (she has a very successful business and one of the key reasons for keeping the baby was that she was in financial freedom – which she’s now saying she’s not)
3. She is being manipulated by her step-dad (who is a high finance arrogant bully) against me in this regard.
4. Her parents (driven by her step-dad) have instructed a top 500 solicitor to send me a threatening letter saying I need to declare all my income and assets – I assume because they want to take me to the cleaners and make me pay financially for her – (as they clearly want to wipe their hands of her and don’t want her living with them, even temporarily)
5. I found out after the relationship broke down that she has BPD which I was not made aware of. As a result of being pregnant she was not on her mood regulating medications which meant her behaviour was erratic and uncontrolled. Our brief time together and how the relationship unfolded makes complete sense in the context of her diagnosis.

She has calmed down a bit, but she did try to physically attack me as I was walking down the stairs, and threatened to smoke cigarettes, and has made threats about not letting me see the baby)

I absolutely want to provide for the baby – I have said this all along – (and help support my ex to do that). But I do not want to get into a legal battle with her and I’m worried that she, with her step-father’s money and influence, will aim to do that, and make me pay.

I have consulted a lawyer and he has given me some free advice but I want to know if there’s anyone I can talk to who has been in a similar situation to this and can help me and offer some advice. I’m so unbelievably stressed and I’m concerned about my poor unborn and innocent son.

Thanks so much
Jim

[Mr D]

Make a reasonable offer towards the child’s keep and let them take you to court and a judge resolve it.

[Author]

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