Confusing breakup

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    • #130257

      Hello, firstly allow to me to apologise because this’ll be a long one.

      I’ve recently gone through a a rather rough and confusing break up, I just wanted to get some opinions if that’s alright.

      Basically. My fiancée with whom I have a 3 year old with has left and the reason why, I didn’t spend enough time with her or help much around the house.

      Over the past few years we’ve had chats about how I spend my spare time. I work over 10 hours a day and when I get in I just to relax so I play on the PC and unwind. BUT I do get carried away.
      Some of you may be the same when it comes to gaming and such, the times flies. Anyway.

      I completely hold my hands up on this matter, I know I failed to spend enough time with her. Just before Christmas she was going to move out to her mothers but Ww talked enough for her to stay and I’d try to sort things out.

      Recently this year, since the COVID thing happened. She has been furloughed but I have not. So she’s had to have our son all day long and I know it can be exhausting so when I get home I take him away into my man cave. Then when he goes to bed she’ll be doing whatever so I’d just go back in there till I go to bed, this was pretty much every night.

      She’s not the type to explode and say gets your arse out of there and in here with me. She’s the type to sit and think and want me to want to be sat watching sitcoms and romance films (her only genre she likes) so she’s sit and let it build up inside and fight with me in her head. But again I’m not dodging the fact that it’s my fault, I feel it is.

      So, on the Wednesday after getting home from work she tells me she’s had enough again and is going. Me, prepared to fight as much as I can was firstly greeted with. “I’ve already found, viewed and paid for a house… I picking up the keys on Friday”. At this point I found out that her grandmother gave her the deposit, her mother was the guarantor, her sister was going to help her move some things, her work was giving her an advance to get some appliances… all these people knew before me.

      She also asked me at the time if I can help her move…. WoW thanks for that.

      I shut down, completely. For me that was the end of us and this was a lonely life.
      Anyway shortly after she pressed the fact she didn’t want to break up but to just have time away from us. She said ‘maybe a little time away will make us see what we have for me to come back, I just need to try this for us and Charlie (our son).

      Having the house to my self for a couple of weeks was awful, but I stepped up and somewhat grew up from what I was. Something out of this has shaken my head to not ignore house work but for it to become a nature to do it. In terms of the gaming, that has dramatically reduced, next to none right now.
      Which is what happened in the past but I’d slip back into it. But this time is different. I feel different. Anyway.

      I tried my best to have family time, give her time, still stay in contact and still be a couple.
      Last Thursday I said when I finish work Saturday(half day) would you like to do something, the 3 of us. ‘Everywhere’s shut’. Ok well we can go feed some horses some carrots. ‘That’s all we do now’. Well
      How about you come here or I go to yours? ‘Well that’s not really family time isn’t’. Yes it is because we’ll all be together. ‘That’s not giving me a break from Charlie(our son) so maybe Sunday….

      In the end I said you need to go home and think about what you want because you can’t keep living in the past.
      So that night I asked, she said. “I can’t help but live in the past. I can’t risk coming back for it to fall back into how they were”

      I couldn’t stress enough to her that things how they’ve turned out can’t go back to how they were because I feel different within myself How I do things.
      “I need to do what’s right for me, I think I need to be on my own. I hope you understand’.

      So it went from, I wanna work on us and then come back to I don’t want this anymore.
      I know there isn’t anybody else so that isn’t the issue. I also know she can’t hack our son all the time because he favours me over her and he acts up for her.

      She moved out and not me because I own the house. I pay for everything.
      She has a part time job and the only thing I asked for her to pay was shopping. I don’t eat much anyway but just get the shopping in. All the major bills was on me.
      She’s gone from a 3 bedroom extended house to 2 bedroom middle terraced poop hole.

      I was never abusive, never gave her verbal language. It’s not like she had to escape the worst person in the world or the was living situation.
      Like I said before I completely hold my hands up and accept the fact that I’m the reason she moved out.
      But her wanting the end the relationship is completely on her.

      I don’t want her to think and I have told her this that she can’t ever come back because for me, I’m still in love with her. That’s what makes this whole thing so confusing, hard and painful.

      Thank you for reading and please be as blunt and honest with me as possible.
      In a bit of a dark place at the moment.

    • #130647


      The only difference between your situation and mine is im in the military so ive had to move out,

      10yrs i gave her and she comes back telling me she doesnt want counselling and shes better alone, i work away alot, and when im home im the perfect father, just a lousy husband it would seem,

      My dark place is an empty room with a bed a 20jnch TV and a kettle. Im dreading her leaving because im just not ready for it at all.

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