Fear children’s mum is unfit to care for them

  • This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 4 years ago by Jay.
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    • #110600

      Hi everyone.

      I’m new here. Never done anything like this before.

      I have 2 boys (9 and 5). The mother and I split up 4 years ago. She was aggressive towards me when drunk, when we were together. She was controlling and horrible. A year after us splitting I entered another relationship which she made hell for 2 years. Messaging my new partner making up lies. Getting involved in everything. Eventually causing the relationshop to break down and we separated. I am now in a new relationship and engaged. I receive abusive texts and phone calls from the mother on a weekly basis. She tells my kids they are moving away from me. Her mental health has deteriorated with 2 suicide attempts. Both whilst the children in her care. Social services did not get involved with this. I took the boys for a while and gave them back after many chats with her and I was convinced she was going to get help and it was safe for her to have the children in her care again. She still gives me abuse weekly and has been sending messaged to my fiance and fiances family. She hasn’t been sending the children to school almost on a weekly basis. My youngest son is having tests done for various things ie celiac, chrones etc. He also has very low iron. He was prescribed medicine to be given 3 times a day but whenever I pick them up she says he hasn’t had any that day. I have them every Thursday night and every other weekend Friday to Monday. I feel her mental health is at a point where the children aren’t safe with her. They are being neglected and their school life is suffering terribly. I’m so stuck on what to do. If I try to take the kids I’m afraid it will be the final straw for her, thus the boys losing their mother. But if anything happens to them whilst in her care because I did nothing I will never forgive myself.

      Many thanks.

    • #111852

      Hello there this situation must be causing you so much distress. The only experience I have had that is similar is when my mum had an accident that caused a head injury leaving her a very different person. She was not stopped from driving but when sitting alongside her driving I had major concerns about the safety of her driving style. She had often driven by daughter around at the time (she was around 8) and was very keen to do so again. I worried for a long time about whether to let her or not. In the end, I decided to refuse her driving my daughter for both of their safety. In time, we dealt with mum’s safety too behind the wheel. Whilst this is not the same situation the similarity lies in the fact that you have to go with your gut feeling on these things. The fact that your kid is not receiving medication etc is very concerning and I sense from your story that you have major concerns. All this stress will be affecting the kids too, they pick up on anything like that. I hope this is of some help and wish you well in making the decision you know is best for your kids, and your, wellbeing.

    • #111855

      Right for starters this is an awful position to be in and I don’t envy you in the slightest but your first priority is your children. Ofc we want moms to be in a great position kids thrive when both parents are doing well but her wellbeing is a secondary concern, kids need to be safe.

      Right now she’s struggling and the best thing you can do for her and the children is making sure they get the help needed, she isn’t going to see it that way but she is letting her children suffer because of her mental health. I imagine she not doing this on purpose but not being on top of medication(huge red flag) not maintaining a school presence is going to have long term effects on a wide range of aspects from learning to social skills.

      If your truly worried about her doing something extreme then you need to get in contact with the right organisations so the help she needs is within arms reach and adhered to. These organisation can help her get back to a point where she’s on form as a parent and able to be a participating parent.

      You don’t want to be in a position where something truly bad happens and you look back and decided that the outcome for her was the main huddle for you to take the kids.

      Better to do what’s considered a little harm now than wait and possibly deal with a lot of harm in the future.

      I hope it all works out for you and yours.

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