Help need with the situation I’m in.

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Tjc30 2 weeks, 6 days ago.

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  • #21661

    alfa147DC
    Participant

    Hi

    I’m not sure where to turn and maybe I’m in the wrong place but wondering if I can seek any guidance with a non consent pregnancy

    I’ve messed up and need a bit of guidance into where I stand and if there’s such a law (UK) of a girl getting pregnant without consent. Basically I was seeing this girl for a number of days over a period of 2 weeks before I called it off because she was getting to intense, even when I called it off I was getting a barrage of texts so I had to block her.

    Anyway before this and I slept with her she told me she couldn’t get pregnant and this was confirmed by the doctors due to medication she was taking, I stupidly took the risk after a few drinks, and during our ‘relationship period’ I slept with her twice more, I decided to end our short relationship because she was really getting into me and saying stuff like I’m really ‘falling for you, hope you don’t mind that I can’t have kids’ etc etc. I thought to myself I don’t want this to go any further so the upset will be less further down the line as I was not into her like she was to me.

    After I blocked her a few weeks later I was harassed by her daughter with texts so I had to block her too, then about a month later a relative messaged me on messenger with abusive texts saying she is pregnant and I’m a ba****rd and stooping how low they can go by dropping me into the CSA etc etc. I was in shock of course but still couldn’t believe that she was pregnant. I decided to unblock the girl I dig for information and yes she was pregnant. I briefly met with her at the time she was 6weeks pregnant and pleaded not to go ahead with it as me and her will never be an item (on this occasion I really thought to abort was the best option for all party’s). But she already had made her mind up (I knew this already!). Next morning she messaged me at 7am and it was just to much to take so I blocked her again.

    After 9 months the child was born and immediately she dropped me to the CSA, I decided to have a DNA test and it’s come back positive, now I’m forced to pay maintenance from the CSA.

    I’m not after symphony, and I would never turn my back on the child if he came looking but I really do not want to get involved with this women and now especially I have met someone who I’m having a child with in a healthy relationship, not to mention this is all after a 15yr relationship with my ex wife that I have a child with.

    It’s a long story cut short, but I’m looking for laws on my situation and I can’t find anything. I’m financially broke and already struggle to set up a future with my new family.

    Anyone else had a similar issue?

  • #21750

    Duncan
    Moderator

    It is certainly a hard and unusual situation. Have you spoken to any family solicitors or citizens advice. It seems like it is going to be a bit of a specialist area. I hope you get everything sorted out but there is always support here if you need it.

  • #21754

    Craig Davison
    Participant

    I don’t really know what to say as I have no experience of CSA etc but I’d assume that you don’t have a leg to stand on.

    You knew full well that sleeping with her ‘could’ result in pregnancy, and she certainly didn’t take advantage of you. The consent was there from both parties.

    All I would say is, you have a child with her, so you deserve to pay accordingly with CSA, she can’t be expected to raise your child with no support financially just because you didn’t want the child.

    On that note too, is it fair for your child to be the one to have to come looking for you. If I wasn’t with my boys mum I’d be banging her door down every day to see them – growing up thinking their dad didn’t want them just isn’t an option.

    Sorry if it sounds harsh, I wish you well in whatever you choose to do but I’d be wary about coming across like the bad one here, as I don’t think you will be looked upon too favourably by CSA, the mother or more importantly the child.

  • #21759

    Tjc30
    Participant

    As for the csa you will have to pay it, they go through income and outgoings, they will take in account that your new partner is pregnant. And how many nights a week you have the child but in your case as you won’t be having the child so you will be expected to pay more than you would if say you had the child one night a week.

    As it goes for the rest of it, if your not on the birth certificate you don’t have any legal rights to the child. Are you sure you don’t want anything to do with the child as there are contact centres there in place so you don’t have to deal with the mother and just focus on the child. At the end of the day it’s not the child’s fault he/she was created it’s down to you two and how you want he/she to be brought up. Personally despite what I thought of the mother I would go for joint custody at least the child will know you and know that you never gave up.

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