[Kris Renshaw]

Hi, I’m a dad of a 2 1/2 year old boy who is all me. I don’t mean to sound arrogant with that, but he’s all about me – to the point that I can see it’s clearly upsetting my wife. He doesn’t give her as much affection as me, I’ve got to put him to bed, I’ve got to put his shoes on, he doesn’t scream when i do nappy changes or bath time…

I think I know what causes it; my wife is obsessed with her phone. There have been countless times that me and my son have been playing on the floor, he’s done something new or said a new word, I’ve looked up to share that wow moment with her and she’s buried in her phone. I’ve sat by and seen that he’s been trying to talk to her, ask a question or.something, but she’s too enthralled with her phone to notice until I say something.

Surely this has an impact on why my son is all me? I don’t claim to be perfect in any way, but I’m barely on my phone when he’s around, it’s a rule for me that I don’t go on my xbox when he’s around.

I’ve mentioned it to her before, that this is a reason I suspect she has difficulties with him, but it never seems to go anywhere. She might, for that afternoon, get on the floor.and play with him more or interact with him, but it’s not long before she’s back on the sofa scrolling through social media apparently oblivious to our existence. It extends to checking her phone being the first thing she does in a morning, and the last ring before bed.

It’s driving me insane that it’s so obvious to me.

What are opinions? Am I thinking right about it being a reason he acts up for her and doesn’t give her as much affection? How do I get her to listen once and for all without throwing her phone out the car window?

Any thoughts or advice would be very welcome.

[James Plummer]

It’s a difficult one. The phone surfing must have some sort of impact on your son as he’s probably noticed he’s not getting the positive attention (from your partner) that he gets from yourself each time he does something new, says something new etc. As
I’m sure you know, children love positive reinforcement and love praise, like clapping, cheering, laughing and smiling when they’ve done something. He knows he gets that from you. I’ve been guilty of it myself of being on my phone when my son is playing, until I come to the realisation that my poor boy is playing on his own, it’s awful really as you don’t get these years back. I’m sure you’ve spoken to your partner about it countless times, telling her and getting her to understand that these are the most important years for your child and your child craves the attention from his mum even if she doesn’t think he shows it at the moment. She will then get the attention she wants from him. We made a pact of never being on our phones whilst he’s in the room and focus our attention on him. She may see it as some sort of break and alone time whilst you’re watching your son, but I’d say that’s what’s impacting the way he is with her compared to you. And if she wants anything to change then she must be prepared to make changes. Not sure if any of that waffle helps.
Take care.

[steven roberts]

I feel for you! My partner is always on her phone.

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