Im not a Father, but I could be – maybe. Let me explain…

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    • #24065

      Around 3 years ago I was in a relationship with an amazing woman who I loved with all my heart but sadly it just didn’t work out and after just 6ish months she ended the relationship and I was devastated.

      We never stayed in touch when we broke up for one reason or another but I never deleted her details off my mobile phone. A while back I did notice her WhatsApp photo changing to that of a little boy, but I thought nothing of it just assumed it was a nephew or something.

      I recently became aware that she had a baby shower (I’ve seen the photos and the dates they were posted etc).

      Because my feelings for her were so strong it was driving me insane that I was not with her any more and I kept on going through all our chats on my phone and Facebook etc which was getting me so emotional and completely screwing my head up that the only way I could calm down mentally was to delete all the messages etc. so I cannot be certain of the very last time I was with her and the more I try and work it out the closer it appears to be to her baby shower.

      Neither of us had ever had a one night stand as that’s not what either of us were/are about so either the child is mine, or she jumped in to bed with someone pretty much straight away which would be completely out of character as that was not in her nature.

      My head is so messed up right now because if I am completely honest, I may not be in love with her any more, in the last 3.5yrs there have been very few days that I have not thought about her.

      Sorry for all the waffling, they say a problem shared is a problem halved so hopefully telling you all this will calm me down is loads of things are going around and around my head right now.

      Believe it or not I do actually have a question about all this: how can I find out if she has indeed had a child and if she has, is he mine?

      I can’t just message her out of the blue because we didnt finish on amicable terms and I dont want to upset her by just messaging her out of the blue and say how’s it going, have you got a son and is he mine as that’s just not appropriate. Either way, I’d be accusing her of either having my child and not telling me or jumping in to bed with someone just a couple of months after we split which is completely out of character – neither are nice things for me to accuse her of so I need another way to find out so I dont upset her.

      Is there a way I could search for a birth certificate without knowing a child’s name and just the mothers name or is it not as simple as all that?

      Thanks for listening.

    • #24212

      Hi. Not sure if this is any help. If you are in the England/ wales then all births are registered on the gro register. This can be searched for free at
      Hope this helps

    • #24215

      Thanks for the link – it’s exactly the sort of thing I’m after.

      Unfortunately when I enter the details I know it says it only has records for up to 1993 and I’m looking at 2017.

    • #24364
      Paul Davies

      Wow! What a predicament! Tbh, I’d just ask – frame it nicely of course but you have to not just for your own peace of mind but also for your potential kid!

    • #24366
      Paul Davies

    • #25485

      Given it would have been over two years ago but you only just found out she had a baby shower, I’d guess it’s very unlikely.

      Put it this way – when I broke up with my gf of 3.5 years during uni, she had two one night stands within a couple of weeks having been very prim and proper prior to that. Hygergamy does that to women – they need to know they are desirable.

    • #137577
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