- 15/06/2020 at 12:38 am #130221
I’m hoping there’s a bit of advice out there from you.
I’ve been separated from my ex for 8 years. We have 3 kids. The eldest has left home and has his own place. Our younger two (14 & 15) live with their mum but I get regular contact with them.
It’s a complicated arrangement I have but essentially I have them around 30% of the time. I make sure they do their homework, feed them, do laundry, take them to school when they stay over etc…. all the things a parent should do, and it’s great.
This ‘situation’ we’re in has meant I’ve been furloughed and my ex and I have been sharing the time equally with the kids. 1 week with her, 1 week with me. It’s been great (although we’ve not been able to go anywhere 😁)
This weekend my eldest (son) told his mum that he wants to carry on with this weekly arrangement. Now, I’m clearly more than happy to do it, but I’m thinking that I may be biting off a little more than my accommodation and budget can handle.
I’m just wondering if any of you have faced a similar situation or have any advice?
I’d love it if my kids were with me more but I can’t sleep on the sofa for a week every fortnight and I don’t get the same benefits that she does so food, clothes etc will put a big stress on my finances.
- 15/06/2020 at 6:00 am #130226
Not really advice but my experience and my opinion is this.
For years I have totally compromised my home arrangements and jobs in order to be like clockwork for the contact time that I have scheduled.
Sometimes the logistics of making that happen were a nightmare… inconvenient and expensive… sometimes nearly impossible.
I don’t regret any of it and I’ll continue to do it. You only really have 4 and 3 years of being a ‘full scale’ dad left, after that they will go off and do their own thing. For that time I’d just make whatever compromise you need to make it work (making sure you don’t resent it) and enjoy it to the full.
The issue of finance etc is pretty difficult and the system isn’t fair. It’s just another pill you have to swallow to make it work.
You’ll never be sat in your old folks home regretting the choice to spend these years with your kids.
There’s no bigger compliment than them wanting to stay with you