Newborn Mum has given up entirely

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    • #25758


      I’m not sure if I am posting this in the right area but a first time user here.

      We’ve recently have our first child and it is a great child, however, my partner, mum, has given up entirely. She’s exhausted, stressed, anxious and is basically begging for us to give the child up. I don’t want to allow this to happen and I have tried explaining to her that this could be PND and this is all overwhelming her. I am trying to keep things together but not sure what to do at all.

      I’ve suggested to her that she speaks to someone professional about this, in order to vocalise her feelings to someone detached from the situation.

      Currently a member of the family is helping take her of the child full time as I am back at work and I can’t feasibly take care of the child fully. I know I could take her maternity and convert it to my paternity time as you can now share the 9 months. The family member is also exhausted and I can’t hear to see her go through this.

      Has anyone else got a similar experience?

    • #25764
      Paul Davies

      This is so tough. Does sound like it could be PND.

      Maybe ask your family friend to speak to her? Sometimes it’s better coming from someone else.

    • #25773

      That sounds very tough. I have no advice but it’s awesome that you’re considering swapping for paternity leave, that might offer a lifeline while you’re both getting the professional support you need too

    • #25776
      Lyndsey Mawdsley

      As dad you can ring your baby’s health visitor and arrange the help your baby’s mum so desperately needs. The Health visitor will arrange extra visits to support mum and go to the GP with mum if needs be. You can also go to GP and explain how mum is feeling.

      Try talking to her again explaining that a lot of people feel like this after a baby and with the right help and support everything will be ok. Swap some of the maternity to paternity so can support her while she so desperately needs it, show her your in this together and will support her every step of the way.

      Good luck to you both.

    • #25777
      Adam Gray

      Has she been to any mother and baby groups?
      My wife struggled with PND with our first and mostly it was due to having certain expectations of what having a child would be like, worrying about them hitting certain milestones etc.

      Attending groups with other parents helped her to realise that everyones children are different, they don’t all sleep perfectly, they change on a daily basis and it can be a struggle to know whether they are doing the right thing.

      If your lucky too your local childrens centre will host the groups and will have healthcare workers who can help to support you and your wife. Your doing a great job in reaching out, hope that you can get the he lp you and your family need

    • #25782
      Laura Miller-Burn

      Defiantly needs to speak to someone, it’s not just going to go away if anything it will only get worse.

    • #25787
      Adam Bain

      Sorry to hear your going through this. PND is not a nice thing & far more common than people know. Sometimes it can be hard for either parent to accept help or admit to an issue. I do hope you can persuade your partner to see a doctor or speak to the health visitor. If you can get some time off to share the load I would. Sounds like you are doing all you can. Your not alone & nor is your partner.

    • #25791
      Emily Saker

      That is 100% post natal depression. I had it after I had my first and had all those feelings. She needs to speak to her GP or her other half needs to speak to them if she won’t. Her other half can also call their local health visiting team for advice too. The mum may respond better to them first before seeing a gp initially. Either way, she needs some help as soon as possible.

    • #25795

      Having had severe PPD (PND) after my twins, I can completely relate to her. I too just wanted to give up, basically wanting to run away and be homeless because I thought my kids would be better off without me. I went to one meeting for new moms and just cried the whole time thinking that I’m not good enough to even be there with them. The counselor came to me at the end and said I needed more help than just this meeting. With much coaching from family, I finally got up my courage to see my doctor who then prescribed antidepressants. It took a couple weeks for the full effect but we all hung in there and it made a world of difference. Maybe that will also help her and just knowing that she is not alone. Love to you mummy. ❤️ Hang in there.

    • #25990

      Hi there,

      First and foremost, thank you to everyone for your responses in this difficult time.

      My partner has been, unfortunately, sectioned under the M.H.A. for her current state but I also wanted to add some more worrying context to the situation.

      After deciding that I should take my partner to see a doctor, which they have also confirmed that this is in-fact severe post-natal depression, her mother has shown her true colours as an overbearing individual. I was screamed at, told horrible things about myself and her very negative opinion about my relationship between my partner and myself, using very aggressive and strong language (all while holding our daughter in her arms may I add).

      My partner has started medication (Sertraline) after 3 days of being under observation. She went in voluntarily but after her mother had, what I deem to be essentially brainwashing, convinced her that she would be best under her care and not the NHS’, she tried to voluntarily be discharged and was subsequently sectioned.

      I can’t in this situation, apply for an interdict as far as I am aware for the best of my partner’s mentality, not to mention my daughters.
      I cannot be in the same room as her mother any longer as she will start an argument and cause more distress towards my partner. I haven’t seen my daughter as a result in two days now and my partner’s condition is not improving.

      In addition to this, the mother has started a smear campaign against myself and certain members of her family who have sided with me on this issue. My partner can no longer speak over the phone with me as when the mother comes to “help” by visiting her at the hospital (or even prior to being in the hospital) my partner would automatically hang up.

      I understand the situation is just completely toxic now and that this overbearingness has been going on now for weeks. This was very well hidden from me in the early months as my partner moved to her mother’s abode under the guise that she needed help and I “had to go back to work”.

      I could keep going on about how the mother has stated that I should have contacted her -first- to established when I can take paternity and that now the situation is so out-of-hand and her daughter is depressed that I should sign a document for her to take care of our daughter and my partner for the next 1, 2 or 5 years.

      I doubt someone here has been in the same situation as this could only happen to me with my horrid luck in life.

      However, if someone has been, any advice on what to do?

      Sorry to not provide better news in this situation.

    • #162529

      Definitely take some professional insights for her and be there for her. I remember my cousin being in such a position and she also uses to feel bad for being unable to breastfeed. She started giving her baby Enfamil A2 and it worked out for the baby well. Yet, it took her some time to get out of the phase and be herself again.

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