Relationship with my daughter

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Dominic Hayhoe 3 hours, 4 minutes ago.

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  • #20250

    Ryan A F
    Participant

    Hi. I’ve just joined purely for advice on my current situation. I’ve just been out of work for 2 and a half months. I’ve started a new job which involves long hours and my daughter has started being awful to me. She VERY rarely kisses or hugs me (never at bed time), she keeps saying that she doesn’t like me and telling my wife that I have been hitting her (I wouldn’t lay a finger on her in anger) and last night shut her bedroom door in my face and held it shut so that I couldn’t go in to say goodnight. I’ve tried video calling during the day which seemed to work but today she covered her face and tried to smack the phone out of her mum’s hand. When it’s just us two she’s amazing, but if anyone else is there she’s awful. I’m really sensitive so this is breaking my heart. Can anyone help please? She’s 3 in May btw. Thanks in advance

  • #20266

    Dominic Hayhoe
    Keymaster

    Sounds like a classic case of her trying to gain control of a situation where her Dad isn’t around as much as she’d like, and was before.

    All you can literally do is be very patient with her, don’t react to her bad behaviour and overly praise her good behaviour. Always be there when you can for the times she does welcome you.

    This is a phase and will pass.

    Children certainly need to know they aren’t the boss, and although neither of you want to be apart, she can’t force you into making that happen. That would end up in an even worse behaved child.

    • #20514

      Ryan A F
      Participant

      Hi Dominic, sorry for not responding sooner but I wanted to give your advice some real time before letting you know how it’s gone – it’s worked fantastically! I’ve been getting loads of affection since. I also stopped looking at my phone until after I put her down which I think has helped massively. I really appreciate your advice, thank you! Ryan

  • #20508

    Matt
    Participant

    Hi Ryan,
    Firstly congrats on the new job, I’ve been out of work for a year and only had a handful of interviews!
    May I ask, when you were out of work, I presume you were spending a lot of time with your daughter? It sounds as though she got used to you being around and suddenly you’re out at work, long hours etc etc, and she’s finding the change from “Daddy being there” to “Daddy not being there” difficult. I’m afraid all you can do is be patient with her, as for the tantrums, well, at 2 1/2 she is trying to push and find her boundaries.
    With regards to her behaviour when others are around, again if she’s been used to it being just you and her for 10 weeks or so (a long time to a 2 1/2 year old) then she doesn’t want to share – its one of the rules of a toddler, think of her reaction when you play with her fave teddy, its a similar thing.
    As Dominic has said, if you react to her tantrums, she’ll push back, then you do and soon it all explodes. I found one of 2 things worked for me and my late wife – ignore the tantrums, if they don’t get a reaction then they’ll eventually work out its not worth it as they aren’t getting what they want. When she shuts the door on you, push it once then leave it, don’t keep trying.
    Hope this helps, let us know how it goes!
    Matt

    • #20516

      Ryan A F
      Participant

      Hi Matt, I did follow Dominic’s advice and it’s worked a treat! We’ve been getting on really well since and there has only been a couple of short stints of the old behaviour. Thanks for your advice, and good luck with the job hunting…having been let go twice in the last 11 months I can fully appreciate your issue! Thanks again, Ryan.

  • #20525

    Dominic Hayhoe
    Keymaster

    Hi Ryan, that’s fantastic news, well done!
    So pleased mate, that’s what this community is all about!
    Chuffed bud!

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