[Ash]

Evening.. First post. A quick google brought me here just to see if there was anywhere a man could pour a pint and see if there is more than just me out there really really really struggling at the moment?

I’m a dad of 2 boys. Eldest is 4 and youngest is 2 (rounding up as birthdays are close). Now I absolutely love these boys more than anything I’ve ever experienced before. But the second I get through the door from work it just becomes an absolute mad house. They bicker, fight and fall out. That in turn results in me and my partner doing exactly the same. The house can go from being peaceful to a war zone within half hour of me getting through the door.

My job is physically demanding, and I suppose I’m not in the best of shapes health wise either so when I get home I’m absolutely drained. My partner has a fatigue condition also, so we are both run down and chasing 2 toddlers about doesn’t make things any easier. Our relationship is obviously suffering, we get absolutely no time together alone. And I suppose selfishly the odd time we do, I tend to drink way more than I should. I suppose it’s a switching off mechanism I have. I do this from time to time. I’m not the type of bloke who’ll go out 2/3 times a week, I’m the type of bloke that’ll go out once every 3 weeks but stay out for 16 hours and blow my brains out. I have this ridiculous vow with myself that as long as I don’t spoil the following days plan with the kids and Mrs that it’s acceptable.

I feel like the harder and harder I try, the more and more I fail. I try to be the best dad I can be. I know my boys love me, they tell me all the time. What keeps me going is the hugs I get when I walk through the door every day (and the 40mg of Fluxoitine). I want to be a better partner too. Not just the main breadwinner of the house.

So I guess I just wanted to see if there are any other dads out there in the same boat? Grafting our way through life but feeling pretty useless at doing so?

Ash

[Anonymous]

Hi Ash,
I think a lot of Dad’s struggle in the early years, I know I did, it can be very tough at times.

I can tell you it will get better though as your boys get older.

I think you sound like a decent guy who’s trying to do his best, so just know that there are better times around the corner.

[Neil]

I feel the same Ash,

We have just had our second daughter who is now 3 months old, first one is 3, I love them to bits but it’s so hard at the moment.

I work full time and when I get home it’s been chaos through the day for my wife (it’s not helping our second child is going through a fussy phase where nothing entertains her, she’s naps for 15 mins max and then she screams mainly) so i try my best to help by trying to do as much as I can so she can have a break, I make dinner, play with our kids, clean and tidy up then when they are in bed I will sit down and have a beer and think this will be the exact same again tomorrow, work, home, chaos, clean up and bed again then rinse and repeat and I feel really useless about it all because I don’t know what else I can do to help…

My wife and I end up being stressed and snappy at each other.

What I’m trying to say is yes I definitely feel the same it is a graft each day with a lot of useless and guilty feelings for no reason

[Author]

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