- 30/09/2019 at 11:37 am #37578Ian1985Participant
I’m new to the whole forum sharing so please bare with me but im interested to see if anyone has had similar experiences as myself.
2 years ago after 5 years of trying to have a child my wife gave birth to our son. Everyone asked me if I cried at the birth I said no, their reaction made me feel as though i was some sort of Physcopath.
As time went on I started to notice a anger building inside of me. I had no idea why. When ever my son would cry the noise would go through me. I would clench my jaw. If my wife went out I’d start to panic any noise he made or face he pulled I thought he’d start crying and I wouldn’t be able to help him.
One night my wife went out. My son had trapped wind he cried for 1 hour solid. My wife couldn’t help over the phone I was sweating panicking I got angry. Not at him at myself. It wasnt just anger it was rage. My blood was boiling I placed my son on the sofa I was shaking I walked into the kitchen and screamed. After that release I walked back into the room and attempted to deal with my son again.
I felt useless.
My wife came home within minutes settled him and he was his adorable self once again.
This happened more than once. Until I started to put my headphones on and turn my music up if he was having a melt down it helped massively.
Fast forward to present day we have a happy healthy 2 year old and now a 7 week old….my 2 year old cries but it’s a different type of cry. He only does it when he hurts himself….he can communicate now I can deal with it.
However my 7 week old just brought back all those feelings again. Frustration, helplessness in not being able to stop him crying. To take away what evers upsetting him.
The rage returned a few nights ago. Clenched jaw shaking limbs red mist I had my 2 year old crying the new born crying. It was piercing I couldn’t cope. I walked out the room paced the hall sweating trying to calm down but I could still hear the noise I shouted “FUUUCK” and elbowed the door to the kitchen multiple times leaving in it a hole the size of my guilt.
I’ve spoken to my wife. She thinks it’s normal but I know it’s not.
I’m not sure where to turn or whats up with me but I saw this forum and I just wanted to know someone is suffering the same way or knows someone who has. Even just someone to talk to.
- 01/10/2019 at 3:30 pm #37703MasonParticipant
I’m new here to.
I’m no expert at all and definitely no shrink, i’m three kids in and i’ve made lots of mistakes! I do know that if i’m stressed or anxious about other stuff it will effect my interactions with my wife and my kids so i can only suggest that maybe the crying triggers something in you.
I’m in therapy for a whole load of other issues which has really helped, just opening up to a stranger about random sh*t that bothers me. I waas never the type of guy that would even contemplate it but it’s definitely helped. It’s good that you recognise it and that you’ve told your wife though.
I know you don’t know me but feel free to get in touch if you want to talk dude – if you’re suffering it always helps to talk.
- 10/10/2019 at 11:17 pm #39562Jonathan HarrisonParticipant
Mate I am completely empathising and it is normal.
I was buzzing for my little boy. I had this utopian vision and the reality is far from it. Dex had colic hardcore and basically screamed and then slept an hour or two.
If I am being honest , and I take no pride in it, I hated the las for weeks and took every opportunity to leave the house.
It came to a head when I came in from work and my partner was desperate for a pee kid feed. I was given bottle and baby and she disappeared. He wouldn’t take the feed and she came back and said ‘do this or that’ or something to that effect.
I snapped, stood up and gave Dex back and went ‘he doesn’t fucking want it from me so what’s the fucking point’ and walked out in tears.
She cried. I cried in a separate room.
Roll on 4 years and giving myself a slap of at least give it a go Dex is amazing.
Remember you are more than a father and the life you had before still exists, it just needs a tweak.
Much love brother.
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