The Joke Thread

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This topic contains 33 replies, has 29 voices, and was last updated by  Phil Collins 1 month, 1 week ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #18037

    Ebun Faturoti
    Participant

    Drop your best here.

    Entertain us Dads!!

  • #18060

    Simon Tiplady
    Participant

    Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “do you know how to drive this thing?”

  • #18135

    Chris
    Participant

    Why did the mushroom go to the party?
    Because he was a fun guy!

    Why did the fungi leave the party?
    Because there wasn’t much room!

    I’m fairly certain it’s from the Ha Ha Bonk book, a true classic.

  • #18271

    Why are mountains so funny?

    Because they are hill areas

  • #18516

    Ben Lewis
    Participant

    Please can anybody tell me the name of the actor who played Forrest Gump?
    T hanks.

  • #18877

    Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships…

    So when they arrive back in port, they can Scandinavian

  • #18886

    Patrick Payne
    Participant

    What’s a cheeses favourite type of music…..?

    R n Brie

    😂😂😂 Your welcome 😉

  • #18887

    Adam Wallis
    Participant

    Have you heard about the restaurant that’s just opened up on the moon? Foods good, but it’s got no atmosphere

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by  Adam Wallis.
    • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by  Adam Wallis.
  • #18888

    Robert Hall
    Participant

    I’m reading a horror story in Braille, something bad is going to happen….I can feel it

  • #18900

    Sam Walsh
    Participant

    What’s brown and sticky?

    A stick!

  • #18904

    If it’s a dad joke it has to be…

    What did the policeman say to his stomach?

    You are under a vest

  • #18908

    James Hobbs
    Participant

    I was woken in the middle of the night by a man stealing the rusty old gate at the bottom of my garden. I didn’t say anything though, I didn’t want him to take a fence.

  • #18918

    Emjay James
    Participant

    Three balloons. Daddy balloon, mummy balloon and baby balloon.
    Thunder cracks and lightning begin…

    Daddy balloon says to baby balloon, “look son, you are much too old to sleep with mummy and daddy, you will have to sleep in your own bed.” Baby balloon protests, “I like sleeping with you and mummy.” “No you are not sleeping with us and thats final.”
    “Ok” says baby balloon sadly and returns to his bed.

    Two in the morning baby ballon wakes up and dicides to climb into bed with mummy and daddy. He finds there is no room, so he unties his dads knot and lets out some air, and ties him up again. Still no room, so he unties his mummys knot, also lets some air out and ties her up again. he still can’t get in, so he unties his own knot, lets out some air, and ties himself up again, he finally has room, and snuggles down with mummy and daddy.

    The next day they all wake, and daddy balloon is really angry. He said “son, I am really disapointed with you, I said you can’t sleep with us… you’ve let me down, you’ve let your mummy down, and you’ve let yourself down too”

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by  Emjay James.
  • #18938

    Joe Curtis
    Participant

    Chuck Norris was Potty trained 2 weeks before he was born.

  • #18943

    Benjamin Hindmoor
    Participant

    What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

    Doug

    What do you call a man without a spade on his head?

    Douglas

    What do you call a man with a car on his head?

    Jack

    What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

    Cliff

    Haha a few to keep you going

  • #18948

    What do you call a 3 humped camel ????

    Pregnant

  • #18956

    David James
    Participant

    how do monkeys cook their toast in the jungle? under the gorilla

  • #18958

    Luke Davies
    Participant

    My son asked me to stop listening to Oasis…..”I said Maaayybbeeeee”

  • #18960

    Mikael Smith
    Participant

    Did you hear about the magic tractor?

    It went down the road and turned into a field

  • #18964

    Phil Collins
    Participant

    Why are pirates always angry? Because they arrrrrrrrrrr.

  • #18971

    Nick Henderson
    Participant

    Bought a dog the other day. Got him from the local blacksmith.

    As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door

  • #18978

    Nate Freeman
    Participant

    (First day as a vet)
    Me: What seems to be the problem?
    Cat: Meow
    Me: Yes but where?

  • #18985

    Antony Ramfos
    Moderator

    Some bloke came up to me and attacked me with milk, butter, cheese and yogurt

    How Dairy!

  • #18987

    Sam Greaves
    Participant

    Stephen, my most successful and dare I say it, favourite, racing snail has not been performing to the best of his ability recently. I spent weeks researching diet plans, training regimes and performance reviews. I decided after all this to remove his shell, I really thought it would speed him up. In reality, it’s just made him even more Sluggish.

  • #18992

    Rob Dray
    Participant

    Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff ?

    Te-quila ! ( To kill her ! )

  • #18994

    Rob Dray
    Participant

    How do you make a hormone ?

    Don’t pay her !

  • #18998

    James Mcdevitt
    Participant

    Statistically 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy

  • #19007

    Mark Williams
    Participant

    2 fish swimming along 1 hits a brick wall other says damm

  • #19069

    Daniel John Tolley
    Participant

    How do you get pikachu onto a bus?

    You pokemon

  • #19073

    Phil Collins
    Participant

    Why did the sand blush? Because the sea weed.

  • #19075

    Phil Collins
    Participant

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Boo
    Boo who?
    No need to by little chap

  • #19077

    Phil Collins
    Participant

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Boo
    Boo who?
    No need to cry little chap

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