The Joke Thread

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    • #18037
      Ebun Faturoti

      Drop your best here.

      Entertain us Dads!!

    • #18060
      Simon Tiplady

      Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “do you know how to drive this thing?”

    • #18135

      Why did the mushroom go to the party?
      Because he was a fun guy!

      Why did the fungi leave the party?
      Because there wasn’t much room!

      I’m fairly certain it’s from the Ha Ha Bonk book, a true classic.

    • #18271

      Why are mountains so funny?

      Because they are hill areas

    • #18516
      Ben Lewis

      Please can anybody tell me the name of the actor who played Forrest Gump?
      T hanks.

    • #18877

      Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships…

      So when they arrive back in port, they can Scandinavian

    • #18886
      Patrick Payne

      What’s a cheeses favourite type of music…..?

      R n Brie

      ??? Your welcome ?

    • #18887
      Adam Wallis

      Have you heard about the restaurant that’s just opened up on the moon? Foods good, but it’s got no atmosphere

    • #18888
      Robert Hall

      I’m reading a horror story in Braille, something bad is going to happen….I can feel it

    • #18900
      Sam Walsh

      What’s brown and sticky?

      A stick!

    • #18904

      If it’s a dad joke it has to be…

      What did the policeman say to his stomach?

      You are under a vest

    • #18908
      James Hobbs

      I was woken in the middle of the night by a man stealing the rusty old gate at the bottom of my garden. I didn’t say anything though, I didn’t want him to take a fence.

    • #18918
      Emjay James

      Three balloons. Daddy balloon, mummy balloon and baby balloon.
      Thunder cracks and lightning begin…

      Daddy balloon says to baby balloon, “look son, you are much too old to sleep with mummy and daddy, you will have to sleep in your own bed.” Baby balloon protests, “I like sleeping with you and mummy.” “No you are not sleeping with us and thats final.”
      “Ok” says baby balloon sadly and returns to his bed.

      Two in the morning baby ballon wakes up and dicides to climb into bed with mummy and daddy. He finds there is no room, so he unties his dads knot and lets out some air, and ties him up again. Still no room, so he unties his mummys knot, also lets some air out and ties her up again. he still can’t get in, so he unties his own knot, lets out some air, and ties himself up again, he finally has room, and snuggles down with mummy and daddy.

      The next day they all wake, and daddy balloon is really angry. He said “son, I am really disapointed with you, I said you can’t sleep with us… you’ve let me down, you’ve let your mummy down, and you’ve let yourself down too”

    • #18938
      Joe Curtis

      Chuck Norris was Potty trained 2 weeks before he was born.

    • #18943
      Benjamin Hindmoor

      What do you call a man with a spade on his head?


      What do you call a man without a spade on his head?


      What do you call a man with a car on his head?


      What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?


      Haha a few to keep you going

    • #18948

      What do you call a 3 humped camel ????


    • #18956
      David James

      how do monkeys cook their toast in the jungle? under the gorilla

    • #18958
      Luke Davies

      My son asked me to stop listening to Oasis…..”I said Maaayybbeeeee”

    • #18960
      Mikael Smith

      Did you hear about the magic tractor?

      It went down the road and turned into a field

    • #18964
      Phil Collins

      Why are pirates always angry? Because they arrrrrrrrrrr.

    • #18971
      Nick Henderson

      Bought a dog the other day. Got him from the local blacksmith.

      As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door

    • #18978
      Nate Freeman

      (First day as a vet)
      Me: What seems to be the problem?
      Cat: Meow
      Me: Yes but where?

    • #18985
      Antony Ramfos

      Some bloke came up to me and attacked me with milk, butter, cheese and yogurt

      How Dairy!

    • #18987
      Sam Greaves

      Stephen, my most successful and dare I say it, favourite, racing snail has not been performing to the best of his ability recently. I spent weeks researching diet plans, training regimes and performance reviews. I decided after all this to remove his shell, I really thought it would speed him up. In reality, it’s just made him even more Sluggish.

    • #18992
      Rob Dray

      Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff ?

      Te-quila ! ( To kill her ! )

    • #18994
      Rob Dray

      How do you make a hormone ?

      Don’t pay her !

    • #18998
      James Mcdevitt

      Statistically 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy

    • #19007
      Mark Williams

      2 fish swimming along 1 hits a brick wall other says damm

    • #19069
      Daniel John Tolley

      How do you get pikachu onto a bus?

      You pokemon

    • #19073
      Phil Collins

      Why did the sand blush? Because the sea weed.

    • #19075
      Phil Collins

      Knock knock
      Who’s there?
      Boo who?
      No need to by little chap

    • #19077
      Phil Collins

      Knock knock
      Who’s there?
      Boo who?
      No need to cry little chap

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