Things They Didn’t Warn You About Before Becoming A Dad

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  Harvey 2 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #24380

    Dominic Hayhoe
    Keymaster

    What’s your biggest surprise after becoming a Dad?

    The green first nappies or squirting poo when you’re changing them or something else?

    Let’s have all your horror stories!

  • #25219

    Yerauldda86
    Participant

    How mind numbingly boring spending extended periods of time with kids is.

    Cards on the table I never wanted kids, my partner knew this but came off the pill without telling me. So yeah I’m a dad now. My daughter is 5 now. I’m not with her mum anymore (I’m now engaged to a fantastic women who is much more on my wavelength) but I still pay the money and take my daughter at weekends because despite never wanting to be a parent I realise it’s not my daughters fault. I don’t enjoy anything about fatherhood though, I’m not wired that way. It’s an obligation I fulfill.

    It really is sooooooooo boring though. That’s the part no one warns you about.

  • #25312

    B. Jones
    Participant

    God, that’s really sad. Can you find no joy in it at all?

  • #25314

    Yerauldda86
    Participant

    Nah mate, I am hopeful that as she gets older some of her interests may start to align with mine. Maybe she will want to play football or start the boxing or playing the guitar (or another instrument) so we could jam together. Then we could do things we both enjoy together.

    I’m a 33 year old red blooded male, it’s not likely I’m going to enjoy dolls, paw patrol or soft play areas. It’s not like she will be into these things forever either though. She loves spending time with me because I take her places she likes and I spoil her. I really hope one day I can start to enjoy it too.

  • #25430

    Lauren Hall
    Participant

    Yerauldda86 – So you don’t love your little girl at all? Don’t find her funny or cute? How would you feel is (god forbid) something awful happened to her?

    • #25473

      James
      Participant

      I don’t really have an example right now that’s directly comparable, so don’t take this the wrong way and suggest that I’m comparing lying about birth control to pregnancy resulting from rape, but… Consider a rape victim who goes through with the pregnancy and has the kid. Maybe they recognize that the child is part of them and they really love them…but the child is also part of someone who did a terrible thing and/or might be an overall terrible person.

      Obviously a father loves his child, no matter what, but forcing a man into becoming a father without warning or consent is a terrible thing to do, for both the father and the child. The father is now left with option 1 of being a part of the child’s life and hiding his resentment toward the mother from his daughter, option 2 of being honest with his daughter about her mother’s sleazy actions, or option 3 of choosing the path that he actually wants for himself while fulfilling his legal obligation to support the child. This woman robbed him of the choice to live the life he wanted to live. It’s just like the sleazy men who rob women of their fertile years by pretending they want to become a father with them, all the while planning to dump her for another woman when she isn’t so young and attractive anymore.

  • #25438

    Yerauldda86
    Participant

    Dude…. I dunno how to answer that without sounding like a reptile.

    I do find her funny occasionally. I don’t find children cute.

    Obviously I don’t want anything bad to happen to her. To try to imagine how I’d feel…. it would likely trigger some negative emotions.

  • #25709

    Nicky
    Participant

    Thing that surprised me the most was how much I could offer. Women dominate the baby universe and so they should they carry the baby and give birth to it. They feed them and change them the majority of the time. But my little boy still smiled and laughed at me first. It’s surprising that the things you do carry so much of an impact as well.

  • #26647

    Steven Osman
    Participant

    As a dad and with a 2 year old and 2 month old I think what surprised me was not having that full rush of undying love at day one, or during the first couple of months. I found the first stage was just establishing routine and keeping making sure our new addition is well fed, clothed and has attention. I found when they start interacting, and playing more with you is when I got the real undying love and affection.

  • #27760

    Harvey
    Participant

    I agree with Steven. The love isn’t there at day 1 but as time goes on, I can’t remember life before my little girl came along.

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