I was ignored by all the mums…

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13 Comments

  1. Simon

    I’m really sorry you were made to feel like that. I’m a full time stay at home dad and believe me I’ve been there. I very nearly gave up on taking my tribe to toddler groups because it was such a depressing experience.

    I was fortunate though, I was adopted on the school play ground by a local child minder who was friends with one of the mums I was friendly with. She took me along to all the toddler group she took her minded children too and with found these far more friendly and accepting, especially as I was being vouched for by a mainstay of the groups.

    I’m now a regular at all the groups I attend and haven’t looked back. In fact one of the groups has rebranded recently. When I joined all their posters and such like said ‘mums and tots group’ but when they re-did then they changed them all to ‘parents and tots group’.

    to;dr – persevere and soon enough these people will realise you are just like them, and as a non-threatening male in that situation they may even realise that you are useful for a male perspective to all their problems they are discussing with their mummy friends. I certainly find myself being ‘one of the girls’ at these things!

  2. Rebecca

    Oh I am so sorry, it shouldn’t matter whether you are a mum, dad, grandparent, carer, you should be made to feel welcome. That certainly hasn’t been my experience at baby and toddler groups and I always try to talk to people at them regardless. Please go back, it sounds like your son had a fab time and thoroughly enjoyed it.

  3. Nikki

    As a female, and a Mum I feel the need to apologise to you on those mums behalf. Unfortunately this is not something that just happens to Dads. I have experienced exactly the same, and it makes you feel like absolute rubbish. After my horrible experience I vowed I would never do that to any other new Mums or Dads that attend any class I go to, so I always make the effort to say hi, or even just offer a smile. I love seeing Dads taking their children to classes, and my husband loves taking our wee man to his classes. Persevere with the classes, it will get better. As long as your son and you enjoyed it, that’s really all that counts x

  4. Chloe

    What a rude group of people! I talk to any new member at groups, particularly those lookimg a it lost or alone! Sorry you had that experience. You’re a far better person than all of them for making an effort to talk to them.

  5. Emma

    I’ve tried the 3 local toddler groups to me and haven’t been back to any of them more than twice. I decided going a couple of times allowed me to see if it was a fluke or not but even when one of the organisers “forced” another mum to talk to me it only lasted as long as the organiser was watching before she ran back to her coven. So no, it’s not just dads it’s anyone new sometimes in that environment

  6. Fergus Justice-Mills

    I had a similar experience with my two when they were little but thank god I knew one of the mums there, so although it was awkward when I was there to start with on my Todd, really awkward, when she arrived it got a bit better. Think the reason might possibly be the mums don’t feel comfortable taking about ‘mummy stuff’ with a man in the mix , especially all the stuff about their husbands/partners not being involved enough..etc etc….it wasn’t so bad when I went along with my wife too, but still felt a bit weird if I went on my own..

  7. Greg

    I can definitely relate to this as i have a experienced the same thing at one of the play groups
    This definitely should be addressed more and passed on social media so people can read it
    Thanks for sharing and this is a great statement ( We’re not all that different really.)

  8. Greg

    I can definitely relate to this as i have a experienced the same thing at one of the play groups
    This definitely should be addressed more and passed on social media so people can read it
    Thanks for sharing

  9. Dominic

    Yes I’m afraid I’ve also experienced the same.

    No idea why it has to be like this, but maybe Mum’s feel like it’s a Mum’s zone.

    I gave up going.

  10. Graham

    Had the same but persevered and found a bunch of nicer people this week

  11. Ebun Faturoti

    I’ve come to gloss over it now.

    I was stay at home dad with my older two (now 11 and 10) and we did all the usual groups, Surestart stuff the works. The only woman that would speak to me was one lady who had her son on the same day as our oldest. We had a link because of that but none of the others ventured to speak to me. Even if I instigated conversation with them.

    Fast forward to school runs. Same deal. No Mums would come and stand near me in the playground. Talk to me while we waited. Nothing. I worked part time for our local Community Project at that point so I was quite ‘prominent’ in the local area but that didn’t draw people in either.

    I’m now back at the pre school/playgroup stage with our just 2 year old. I am immune to it now. I don’t even expect conversations to start so I just solely put all my focus on my child.

    Their loss!

  12. Rebecca

    My husband works the weekend so gets two days off during the week. He says this awful happens when he takes Our youngest son to play groups. I just don’t understand. They’re both really friendly but the Mums just don’t want to know or maybe feel too shy to say anything?

  13. Thyra

    my husband compresses his hours so he does 1 day of child care for our daughter. he took her to one group And a little boy came over and was playing with my daughter and my husband. a mother stormed over and grabbed her son by the hand shouting at him “what have I told you about never going near strange men?!” then looked at my husband, looked at my daughter before sneering “is she even yours?” as though he were just using a random child in order to gain access to other children. really really sad. he’s an amazing dad and I’m glad he’s always been such an involved dad. it makes me sad that this child and woman presumably have such an uninvolved dad that the idea of a man taking his child to a playgroup is so utterly inconceivable amy man there must be a predator. saying that, as a mum I’ve been excluded many a time by pre formed cliques, so I think it’s not always exclusive to men that these behaviours occur.

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