I want to tell you about the real meaning of Christmas…
Don’t listen to the others, Father Christmas is real.
Well, that guy we saw at the school fair in the drab red suit and the wonky beard, he wasn’t. And the other man with a pillow up his jumper we saw in the pantomime, he wasn’t either. But he is real.
Those girls dressed in skimpy elf outfits at the white, glowing grotto in the town centre shopping mall are really just there to bring in the dads. That’s not what elves look like. But Santa does have lots of elves working for him to make all the presents. (They probably don’t wear high heels…)
Also, if you ever find the real Santa’s Grotto, they won’t charge £5 for babies, £8 for children and £14 for adults (age 12+) or £40 for a family ticket to go inside, sit on his knee and pull out a second rate toy from his sack…
And despite what the TV adverts will tell you, Father Christmas’ message isn’t about spending as much money as you can, trying to outdo family members with the financial worth of the present you’re giving. He also doesn’t really advocate the 6am NEXT sale whereby people push, shove and fight in order to get an extra 30% off of already pretty discounted clothes.
And I must confess that I’m confused Ted. Now that Coke has released Coke Life in a green can, will they change Santa Clause back to wearing green? It’s messing with my mind!
I need to warn you too, that in Father Christmas’ family, they don’t argue about whose catering; who’s picking up Nanny and the fact that 5 years ago Aunt Jean said that your cousin was an alcoholic! In his family, they don’t have any awkward politics that cause tension and anxiety.
It’s very important that you understand that when Santa is getting your presents ready he doesn’t feel the stress that normal people feel when they’re buying someone else’s present. Buying a gift for someone is a hideous, stressful experience, but not for the real Father Christmas.
Don’t be fooled, if anyone serves anything other than Turkey on Christmas day, its ok! Beef, salmon, chicken, pheasant, veal and pork are all good…and the real Father Christmas is so fat that he’d eat all of them one after the other.
I can almost guarantee that Santa has downloaded the Band-Aid single at least 3 times.
It’s also totally fine and safe that a huge burly man, dressed from head to toe in red velvet breaks into your house in the dead of night and creeps into your bedroom. You don’t need to worry about this at all!
So, in conclusion, I want you to know that the meaning of Christmas isn’t about what people make it. It’s not about making money, it’s not about spending money, it’s not about temporary grotto’s and it’s not about feeling stressed about buying presents. It’s certainly not about Christmas dinner and I’m pretty confident it isn’t about arguing over family politics.
In fact Ted, I spoke with the real Father Christmas when you were born. We discussed getting you enrolled in his ‘naughty and good’ behaviour system and he said that believing in the real Father Christmas is what the meaning of Christmas is all about. The magical innocence of believing in something purely good and letting your imagination enjoy the Christmas spirit.
For your first Christmas Ted, and for every Christmas you ever have, believe in Father Christmas and you’ll enjoy every second of this wonderful holiday.