“My wife won’t find me attractive and will leave me if I earn less money than her”

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So far through the Dad Network:

I’ve been told ‘real men’ go to work and don’t become stay-at-home fathers.

I’ve been told my wife won’t find me attractive and will leave me if I earn less money than her.

I’ve been told I shouldn’t let Ted play with ‘girls toys’ e.g a tea set & a dolls house.

I’ve been told boys should never wear leggings. They are for girls only.

I’ve been accused of being sponsored by Tomme Tippee because I shared a post about bottle feeding.

I’ve been accused of being anti-breastfeeding because my wife had to stop breastfeeding at 9 months due to becoming extremely ill with a highly medicated auto-immune disease.

I’ve been told ‘shame on me’ and accused of depriving my son because he doesn’t use an iPad at age 2.

I’ve been told Ted would have an eating disorder when he’s older because I didn’t let him eat chocolate or sweets.

I’ve been accused of not being the parent Ted needs because I don’t let him ‘cry it out.’

I’ve been told I’m weak because I go to my son at night when he cries.

I’ve been accused of doing ‘too much’ with Ted in the day. He doesn’t need messy play, outdoor play, fine motor play etc (but he does need to be able to log on to YouTube)

I’ve been told I will ‘make Ted gay’ because I let him wear clothes that are labeled for girls.

I’ve been told Ted will have ‘gender issues’ because he sometimes wears pink.

I’ve been told it’s not right for me to have a bath with my own son because it’s ‘weird’ and ‘unnatural.’

I’ve been told I should not ‘allow’ my wife to wear a bikini when pregnant because it’s repulsive.

I’ve been told my parenting techniques will make Ted a fussy eater.

I’ve been accused of animal cruelty for buying Ted a goldfish.

And I’ve been told that having Ted should be enough for me and mean I shouldn’t want another baby. (We’ve lost four)

I could spend all day ever day justifying the decisions I make and the parent I am. But the truth is that the way I do things will always upset someone, somewhere. You can’t please all the people all the time.

And actually, there’s only one person who’s opinion matters to me. And he looks pretty damn happy to me!

So instead of trying to justify all the decisions I make as a Father, I choose to focus on cherishing the fact that as a stay at home dad I am able to spend almost all day every day with my son. We fill our days with fun,

We fill our days with fun, laughter and love. Lots and lots of love.

So whether you work or whether you work at home raising your child, whether your baby is breastfed or bottle-fed, sleeps in your bed or in their own room, eats chocolate or doesn’t, has their own iPad or wouldn’t know what one was, whether your child wears pink or blue, or all the colours of the rainbow, whether they wear leggings or jeans and whether they wake in the night or sleep a solid 12 hours, I wish you all the best on your parenting journey, do it your way, trust your instincts, I know that you, like me, are being the best parent you can be.

And that’s enough.

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  1. Darren

    Soo well put!! I’m a male nanny and I bring my son (14 months) to work with me, that way i get the best of both worlds but the things that were said to me in the beginning were harsh! But now I get mostly positive reactions but it’s taken time.

  2. Laura Walker

    You look like you are doing a fine job to me! My son is two and hasn’t touched a tablet. I can’t remember the last time I used it myself. He doesn’t watch a lot of TV and prefers to be out and about and I’m just fine with that! He also rocks pink!!

  3. Ben

    Spot on. Every parent is different. Your final point hit the nail on the head, follow your instincts!
    That’s the best advice I’ve been told!

  4. Nina

    Well said!
    My 3 year old son likes to take a little shopping trolley with him when we go out shopping. It keeps him calm and he loves to walk along side me with his shopping in his trolley. I got asked why my son had a girls toy and if I was “trying to make him gay”? As if him having a small shopping trolley at the age of 3 will decide his sexual preference in later life.
    People are too quick to judge and way to quick to comment before they have engaged their brains.

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