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Nightmare train stories you’ll be glad didn’t happen to you

Nightmare train stories feature

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By Jim

Jim Coulson is a Yorkshire content writer, video maker and radio presenter who blogs under the guise of Bewildered Dad.

Published on 23/06/2022

In the latest episode of the Loose Dads podcast, the panel discussed nightmare train stories. In the light of the train strikes across the UK, the idea was to make commuters glad they couldn’t board their usual locomotive. And they succeeded too.

Read on to find out more.

The birds, the bees and the train

Sparky from Loose Dads told a horror tale from when he was 12 or 13. He was on a crowded train with his family when everything went wrong. It wasn’t a delay or any other kind of incident. In many ways, it was worse

“My dad, being an African man with a very loud voice that reverberates around the train carriage,” Sparky recounted “decided for some reason that the Portsmouth to London Waterloo was the place to have the birds and the bees chat with me and my big brother!”

The rest of the panel sat in awed anticipation as Sparky continued. “I will never forget this sentence in my life – he said ‘hey Mark, I know it can be a confusing time right now, and you might be getting a lot of hard-ons and you don’t know what to do. It’s perfectly normal, son’!”

Obviously, solid advice. But delivered on a packed train? Potentially not.

“There’s a heads up for any dads doing the birds and the bees chat” stated Sparky, “check you’re not on a public train!”

Nightmare train stories

No loo for hours

Train stories come in all shapes and sizes, and Jim from the podcast had a different scarring experience on the railways to recount. Having to travel between Leeds in Yorkshire and Colchester in Essex when he was a student in the late 90s, he found that avoiding London by changing twice across country cost half the fare. But there was only one problem.

“You could go to Ipswich and then take the train that went to Peterborough, which took approximately six days!” he recounted with only a little exaggeration in the episode entitled Father’s Day, Marrying a Murderer, and 2 Kids in a One Bed Flat.

“Unfortunately I went home having had a couple of lunchtime beverages once and the train took so long – two and a half hours or something, stopping at every little place – but there were no toilets,” he continued. “I started needing a wee straight away and it was two-and-a-half hours of absolute agony. I was at the point of wondering if I had enough time to leap out at a stop and wee behind a wall! By the time I got Peterborough, I thought my bladder was going to explode.”

As the other dads pointed out though, imagine taking a toddler on a journey like that!

Loose Dads streams live on a Tuesday night at 8:30pm on the Dadsnet Facebook page and the Loose Dads YouTube channel. The podcast comes out on a Wednesday for audio-only listeners on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and wherever else you get your podcasts. 

Other nightmare train stories

It’s not just the Loose Dads who have stories of horrific train journeys. In May, passengers heading to Wilmslow from Liverpool on the 9:30pm service were stuck for two hours after a power cut stopped their train from progressing. Travellers complained that they were trapped in with no announcements, a screaming baby and no functioning toilet, leading to people using the sink and the floor to relieve themselves.

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