A parent who spent the vast majority of half term complaining on social media about spending time with his children is said to be thrilled about the prospect of going back to work and complaining about that instead.
“Well a change is as good as a rest isn’t it?” commented Terry Cheeseman, who posted six separate Facebook posts complaining about the traffic in the vicinity of local tourist destinations during the school holidays.
“On Monday it was sort of fun,” he continued, “I was quite relieved to be stuck in a jam outside the car park at the umbrella museum because I had nothing else to post online. The fact that my five-year-old Tarquin spilled half his carton of apple juice on the back seat of the car just added a little extra spice to the status update. My wife even asked him to recreate it so she could video it in Boomerang and post an outraged Insta story.”
However, the novelty soon wore off for the clan. “By Tuesday, it stopped being quite so much fun and there was something more sinister in the air” admitted Terry. “Although, to be fair, that might have been the stale apple juice that we forgot to clean off the upholstery of the car.”
It wasn’t just traffic trouble that inflamed Terry’s ire, though. One of his angriest half term tweets centred around the repetition of a certain song on the stereo at home. “I normally like to relax at home with a little Kenny G or something like that” the 42-year-old data systems programs analysis under-manager confessed, “but half term is a lawless time and on the Thursday, 7-year-old Jocasta commendered my Bang & Olufsen to play Baby Shark 37 times in a row.”
His response was to put up a poll on the social media site in order to decide her punishment. 24 hours later, the winning suggestion was revealed to be “place her in a trebuchet and fire her into the lion pit at London Zoo”, although Cheeseman confessed all he actually did was unplug the music system, sigh unhappily and shake his head as he took it upstairs and locked it in his ‘special cupboard’.
“To be honest, by Friday I was starting to complain about how much I was complaining about having the kids under my feet,” he said, “but there is light at the end of the tunnel and I can’t wait to refocus my irritability onto a familiar, but fresh, target. I’m so excited to complain about being at work again.”
Terry hasn’t visited his office for a week now, but has spent the latter part of half term plotting what might frustrate and anger him on his return.
“I can guarantee that within ten minutes of logging on to my work computer, Terry from Accounts will have come over, sat on my desk, scratched his nuts and bored me about the weekend’s West Ham game even though we’ve worked together for 15 years and I’ve never shown even the slightest inkling of enjoying football. Still, I’ve planned a particularly salty Snapchat that will totally own him. I can’t wait to get back in the swing of things.”