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Please don’t avoid me because I lost my baby

Don't miss a thing

By Rachel

Rachel is a 30 something mummy to 6 year old Little Man, 2 year old Little Lady and her angel twin. She blogs over at Mummy in Training

Published on 09/10/2018

My daughter was stillborn. At 29 weeks she stopped breathing. She was born with her surviving twin sister and right at that very moment my heart broke in two and our lives as a family changed forever. I thought I would want to hide away from the world and grieve but I didn’t. I wanted to talk about her just like I talk about my other two kids. I wanted her to be part of our conversations and always be remembered as part of our family.

Please don’t avoid me because I lost my baby, family 429166 640%, miscarriage%

My 6-year-old son manages this perfectly. He often brings her up; he asks if I think she would have liked cheese like the rest of us do or if she would have been the quiet twin because her sister is so loud! He is matter of fact about it as children often are. He is sad of course but he openly talks about his sister and that’s how I naively thought it would be for everyone. Funnily enough though even though a 6-year-old child can do it it seems that a lot of adults can’t.

I have heard about a lot of experiences that parents who have lost a baby have been through when it comes to telling others about their loss and experienced some of my own too.

When do we lose the childlike way of being able to talk about anything? When do we become so worried about saying the wrong thing that we say nothing at all? I think that is the worst reaction of all, saying nothing. Parents have been avoided because friends haven’t known what to say to them after the loss of their baby. They have been told to move on, to count their blessings and that maybe it was for the best.

These are the worst type of reactions. When something like this happens we need people around us. We need the people who will say ‘I’m sorry I really don’t know what to say but I am here for whatever you need’. That’s all it takes, we just have to be there.

Let’s all try and be a bit more of a 6-year-old when a parent delivers this heartbreaking news and be open to talking about it. Say the little one’s name. Don’t forget special dates. And most importantly don’t pretend like it didn’t happen.

These babies deserve to be remembered and their parents deserve to talk about them.

Don't miss a thing

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