You can generally find most things on Google nowadays. Particularly stats.
So I looked into our statistical chances of having 5 miscarriages, 4 being consecutive; nothing. This is the closest I came:
About 15 percent of pregnant women experience sporadic loss of a recognized pregnancy. Just 2 percent of pregnant women experience two pregnancy losses in a row, and only about 1 percent have three consecutive pregnancy losses.
But what about those people who experience four, or five. When you don’t make the stats, even on Google, you know you’re in a tiny proportion, a tiny percentage of people.
And that’s us.
Yesterday, we found out that we’re having our 4th consecutive miscarriage, our fifth loss in total.
So excuse me if I stick my middle finger up at all of the doctors, nurses and so-called specialists that told us along the way that we were in no worse position than a couple who’d never experienced loss, that our chances of it happening again were no higher than anyone else, that we’d have to be very unlucky and that there is no reason why it would happen again. That aspirin, acupuncture, vitamins, early scans etc might help our chances.
Because nothing helped. We were in a worse position. We are the ‘unlucky’ ones. It has happened again. And my heart is broken.
From the moment Jen showed me the lines on the test I have been searching for signs.
Signs that everything will be ok.
I have watched Jen’s body change as the pregnancy developed. I watched her switch bras because her boobs were so painful, buy bigger jeans because her tummy was bloated, change her diet, take medication etc etc etc
I rubbed her back as she threw up as soon as she woke up and all throughout the day, I tried to find the right words as she shouted at me about reaching one of the low points of her life as she was sick in the back of the car from the smell of McDonald’s and I watched her change the weekly shop to include only odourless foods because her sense of smell went through the roof.
All good pregnancy signs, right? All pointing to the fact that this pregnancy was a strong one. That this time we’d make it.
And yet the outcome is the same.
Miscarriage.
Another miscarriage.
And now suddenly our chances of having another baby have lowered even more and our chances of a sixth miscarriage have soared.
You see the truth is that the more miscarriages you have, the lower your chances get for having a normal, healthy pregnancy. 1 stat I did find on Google, is that after having 4 consecutive miscarriages, your chances of having a 5th are 50/50. Not good odds. Not odds I want to hear. Or accept.
Not good odds when you so desperately want another baby to love, care for and raise in your family.
Here we are again, with this all too familiar feeling of carrying an unviable fetus, yet a fetus that is growing week upon week, waiting for the inevitable or counting down the days to the next operation.
Each time, I’ve been devastated, but this time is different for me.
Surely there will come a time where I have to accept that for whatever reason, I’m not meant to have another baby. Is the world trying to give me a message; that this just isn’t going to happen, so I should just give up?
My entire life, I’ve been an optimistic, hopeful person. Always looking on the bright side of things, giving the benefit of the doubt where I could.
But this week, that’s changed. I’m starting to feel the opposite. Pessimistic and hopeless.
Jen told me she was pregnant just before Christmas. The best Christmas present I could possibly have hoped for. I allowed myself about 10 seconds to feel excited and then clamped down on any positive emotions. For the vast majority of parents, that moment of finding out you’re expecting a baby is exhilarating. It’s usually followed by some kind of celebration; prosecco, hugs, kisses and joy. For us, finding out we’re pregnant is a heartache of anxiety, fear, terror, concern and dread.
For us, finding out we’re pregnant is a heartache of anxiety, fear, terror, concern and dread.
In previous pregnancies, waiting and telling our loved ones at 12 weeks, as tradition states, hadn’t worked out for us. Each time, it meant that as we went through the pain and devastation of miscarriage, we had no one to turn to for support.
So this time we tried to fight fate face to face and we told people. Told our closest friends and family that we were pregnant. From the moment we did the test we shared the news. Hoping that by breaking tradition we might, in turn, break our own tradition of miscarriage.
It didn’t work. Instead, we were met with lots of ‘oh’s’ and facial expressions that said it all. Why are you telling people so soon? What if you lose it?
Well, we did. We have. Another hope lost. Another dream lost.
And I’m angry this time. In amongst the pot of emotions, I’m really, really angry.
When you suffer from recurrent miscarriage everything, right from day one, gets taken away from you. You can’t experience the usual feelings and emotions that the majority of people get to experience. You’re cheated from day one.
Instead of celebrating the announcement, looking forward to all the wonderful things about being pregnant & having a new baby, I just expect the worst.
For the first few miscarriages, I’d expect the worst but hope for the best.
This time I just expected the worst.
And if there’s a next time, I’ll expect the worst and be riddled with hopelessness all over again.
That’s the over-riding question going through my head…
Will there be a next time?
Someone somewhere is giving me a pretty big message, right? Or are we just the unlucky ones? The ones who keep rolling the dud dice.
The thing is, we can’t keep going through this. There comes a point where enough is enough.
Jen’s body is surely groaning under the strain of operation after operation. Miscarriage after miscarriage. This morning she responded to my ‘I don’t know what else to say, except ask if you’re ok’ question, with,
No. I’m suffering from horrendous morning sickness at the same time as having miscarriage cramps.
She’s in the bathroom throwing up at the same time as holding a hot water bottle for her tummy for the cramps. Surely this is one of the cruelest things life can throw at you?
If ever you need an example of an oxymoron, that’s it. Completely contrary feelings that even the most stable of minds would struggle to deal with. Throw in an abundance of hormones and the extreme emotions that are galvanised to miscarriage and you can see why miscarriage and recurrent miscarriage can have such a profound impact on people.
I have to watch the woman I love go through something so awful, and I can’t bear it. When I’ve talked about our previous miscarriages in the past, I’ve always said that one of the hardest life experiences for a dad is to watch his partner go through such a painful experience.
I’ve now watched her deal with it 5 times, and it only gets harder. And harder.
We found out we were expecting on December 20th, 29 Days ago. And 29 nights of lying next to my wife holding her hand on her tummy all night long in the hope that somehow it might make this pregnancy a successful one.
Last night we hardly slept. But for the little we did, her hand was in mine rather than holding on to her little tummy. The story has changed. In the blink of an eye, the chapters have disappeared and we are back to page one.
I watched her sleep with a broken heart.
There is no hope. All hope is gone. And now we have to wait for the inevitable to happen.
There is literally nothing I can say, only, this sucks. ROYALLY sucks and I am so incredibly sorry that you guys are going through this….again. Thinking of you both. x
I’m so sorry. I had three miscarriages. Two before my first born and I lost my second son’s twin. My heart truly does break for you, I understand the anger, the upset, the not knowing. Statistics are a cruel mistress and google can be one of the worst to search. Stay strong, hold your wife and let her hold onto you. You need each other xx
My heart is breaking for you both. I’ve been in your place, had my 4th consecutive loss last January. It’s a rotten start to a new year when you are so full of hope. The pain eases with time and then you start to heal piece by piece and one day you may feel brave enough to try again. Sending you both lots of courage and hope xx
There is nothing I can say, I know that, just be there for each other. Thinking of you all xx
I am so, so sorry for your losses. Crying reading this, I don’t even know what to say but I’m sending lots of love. Xxx
Oh mate :( There are no words, there’s nothing I can say but comment on here and offer support.
I’m so sorry for you both :(
I’ve lost four. My most recent being 5 weeks ago and here I am . . . Trying to conceive yet again because specialists have told me that I have a 70% chance of bringing a baby to term, that my losses were unlucky because they can’t be explained. My last loss was my son who I conceived within a medicated cycle. I carried him for 10 weeks, though his heart stopped a day after our first ultrasound at 6w2d. My body wouldn’t miscarry on its own, the covid pandemic made it to where I couldn’t get a dnc, and the medication wasn’t working. My body went through hell, and after all of the labor and pain of trying to pass all of the accumulated tissue and baby, I still had retained tissue.
It broke my soul to see how our losses effected my husband. I watched as hopelessness completely consumed him when the Dr told us, “I’m sorry. I’m not seeing a heartbeat. Not today.” No listened to his pained sobs, and I could feel through his weeping that no matter how many tears he cried or how loud he wailed, it couldn’t even begin to express the pain he felt in his chest. Our dreams were crushed four times. Four times, all hope was lost. I don’t know when we can finally say enough is enough.
I just had a dream that I’ve had my fifth miscarriage, and undergoing another medicated cycle currently, it really brought my fears into light. I know I’m not exactly hoping for the best anymore either. I stopped that after our second loss.
I’m just expecting the worst while silently hoping I’m wrong.
I honestly don’t believe that when I get pregnant again, I’ll be able to finally bring one of my children to term. In fact, all I ever think about is one day, maybe I’ll have a stillborn. Or a deformity that takes their life outside of the womb. Or a SIDS case. Or my child will get cancer and will never be able to live the full life they deserve.
I’m only realistic now. I’ve lost four of my children. Four pieces of me. Four different stories. Four dreams. I yearn for them every day. The pain is constant. The love I have for my babies overflows into grief.
I really hope that eventually your story contains a living sibling for your growing child and angel babies.
I hope one day I’ll be able to bring a breathing baby into this world.
I cannot tell you how sorry I am for such painful losses and for you both to have been and going through so much constant heart ache. I’m
Sure you may of already been through this but if there is some small chance that there isn’t please go to a specialist consultant (there are some at st Marys in Manchester, I have no idea where you are from) and they will test your wife for certain things (sticky bloods) etc to see what’s going on as to why you are having reaccurant miscarriages. If you have been through this process, tommys charity have now opened a miscarriage centre to investigate why this is happening, surely you can get some answers to help you move forward. Tommys can also help with grief so are worth getting in contact with.
Shit. I’m so sorry. X
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Heartbreaking.
I’m sure you have investigated and had all the tests but just thought I’d mention having lupus anticoagulant and antiphospholipid investigations after 3 early miscarriages should be carried out if you were interested. I understand we had no children, have had fertility treatment which resulted after 4 iui’s in a miscarriage. I feel the heartache of not knowing how to go on with the pain :( xx
I am so sorry to read this, and I sympathise whole heartedly. I lost fifteen babies to miscarriage and my son at full term to stillbirth. I felt as though the odds of me going on to have a healthy baby were zero. I now have four healthy children and although it’s hard to believe from where you are now, nothing is impossible. Xxx
Sending as much love as I can. I’m currently going through similar, in the horrid 2 week wait to find out if my pregnancy is viable (after bleeding on & off for 2 weeks, total loss of pregnancy symptoms and seeing only an empty sack at the internal scan I had last week, I’m not hopeful, just waiting for the inevitable to be over). This is only my 2nd in a row. I had a chemical pregnancy last year followed by 9mths of unexplained infertility. It sucks, big time. My heart goes out to you both. I can’t say anything to make it better. Just know that you’re not alone xxx
I am so utterly sorry for your loss, both of you. You are such a beautiful, wonderful couple (and family), and it makes me so sad and angry that you have to go through this. It just isn’t fair. It breaks my heart. Sending all the love in the world and I wish I could make it better. Be kind to yourselves xx
Devastating, Truly devastating. There are no words that can make this any better for you. I can only hope that you have the support of family and friends to get you through this.
This is just so horrible, please don’t give up. We are currently 30 weeks pregnant with our first after 3 recurrent miscarriages, I know that feeling of dread, anxiety and hopelessness and it’s the worst only people who have experienced it truly know the pain. It has taken my husband and I through such grief and turmoil in our relationship but made us stronger, just keep being there for her like you are, grieve, get your life back to a point where you become happier than you are now and try again, you can get pregnant there is something stopping you from staying pregnant you need answers. I’m praying for you guys to pull through, don’t lose your optimism forever xxxxx
I just had to comment on this Al. I wanted to say I am so sorry for you both, words aren’t enough, but I couldn’t read this and not tell you I am thinking of you. Sending you all my love. x
There are no words that are going to make this better. I’m so so sorry. I cannot begin to understand how you’re feeling right now.
Know that we’re thinking of you all.
Kate & Sharon
I am so sorry, you and Jen really deserve to have another baby, I can’t say anything to help but just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you both.
I suffered 3 ectopics and 2 miscarriages before I got my happy ending. You obviously have a wonderful relationship with each other and that will help you in time. It’s hard to know when to try again and when to give up and only you as a couple can decide. I too tried the aspirin and changing the diet, and my miracle came from not changing my diet and eating and drinking coffee/coke as and when I wanted it. I was told sometimes going cold turkey on things makes you body suffer and just to have a little bit of what you fancy. I am so sorry for your loss and I really hope 1 day your dream is realised.
I know the feeling, I know the anger, I know how it changes you, how it makes the days darker, On the back of your head is always one and just One question, ” why? ” . The expectation kills you inside.
And you try again , and you keep trying . But even with less hope and that is the worse feeling ever, not being able to feel That joy and hapinnes at 100%. I truly believe you should not stop trying. You should not lose hope, one day you will make it . One day, when you less expect, you and Jen will be on the way to the hospital not miscarying, but in labor. Don’t lose hope . Losing hope, and beeing afraid is like giving up even when you are still pregnant. You have to be phsycologicaly stronger than that and embrace each miscarriage as if it was the first not the fifth or the 10th . In the end of the worse trip of my life , I made it . you will to.
My heart is broken for you guys. There are no words. Thinking of you both and wishing there was a way to hold you up through this. I can’t imagine how Jen feels even after having two miscarriages myself, the circumstances have been so cruel to you both.
I’m so sorry x Thinking of you x
So sorry for all your losses. I know that feeling of despair and anger. I’m sure so many others can resonate with you; I’m not sure if that helps at all, to know you are not alone. Speak out, don’t hide it. I wish I had spoken about mine. Losing a baby at any stage is terrible. All your hopes and dreams. More people need to be aware of the pain it causes. It’s important so we know how to support eachother. Thinking of you and praying for something wonderful to happen for you both. You don’t deserve this. No one does.
I know you have mentioned you have tried acupuncture but there’s acupuncture and then there’s acupuncture ~ i truly believe if you try the dr zhai clinic in Harley street she will be able to help you have your baby! She is a miracle worker ! I had two ectopic pregnancies before going to see her and I had my baby boy in July !
I feel sick with sadness for you both. We lost our first baby and it still haunts me 4.5 years on. I can’t possibly imagine going through it 5 times. You & Jen must be utterly exhausted: physically, mentally, emotionally. There is nothing helpful or profound I can say to help. But I wanted to say something because I feel so awful for you both & want you to know that however lonely you might feel right now, you’re not alone. A lot of people care very much about you, and are wishing the outcome had been so very different for you. Hug each other extra tight, and although Hope might seem completely useless right now, I’ll keep on hoping for you that you get your beautiful, healthy baby in your arms next time. Sending so much love xxx
I feel sick with sadness for you both. We lost our first baby and it still haunts me 4.5 years on. I can’t possibly imagine going through it 5 times. You & Jen must be utterly exhausted: physically, mentally, emotionally. There is nothing helpful or profound I can say to help. But I wanted to say something because I feel so awful for you both & want you to know that however lonely you might feel right now, you’re not alone. A lot of people care very much about you, and are wishing the outcome had been so very different for you. Hug each other extra tight, and although Hope might seem completely useless right now, I’ll keep on hoping for you that you get your beautiful, healthy baby in your arms next time. Sending so much love xxx
There aren’t any comforting words which will help, and for that I am sorry.
It’s absolutely devastating and completely unfair.
I’ve been here too so won’t pussyfoot around. It’s bloody crap.
Take time for yourselves. You are both hurting so don’t forget that. Many people forget how hard this is on the husband too so I admire you for speaking out.
Miscarriage is a taboo subject which many don’t talk about but this is so wrong. Talking helps and by writing these posts and being so honest you are helping others who google next time.
Sending lots of love.
Just a thought have they tried putting your wife on baby asprin? It was what I was prescribed after my 3 and then again after I had another 2 later on.
X
Oh Al, I have literally sobbed tears through all of this. I feel sick for you. And my heart breaks. I can’t bear it. For you. For Jen. For Ted. There are no words that will ever put this right. And it is so sad that you have lost hope. But I think that is a coping mechanism. It is horrible to be robbed of hope but sometimes hope can be cruel. I wish I could make this all better. I know I can’t. But please know that I am sending so much love and you are in my thoughts. Love and hugs Lucy xxxx
So heartbreaking to read this…….there simply are no words, so unfair, truly gutted for you.
When you feel ready look up antiphospholipid syndrome…., there is hope……after 5 painful miscarriages we now have 4 mircale babies. Much love Noleen
Nols 473@yahoo.co.UK
Feel free to contact me for more info
Oh Al I’m so sorry to hear about this! I honestly can’t even begin to imagine what you’re both going through. Sending you all the love in the world. X
Oh Al. There is nothing I can say but I had to comment to let you know that my thoughts are with you and Jen. Life is just so cruel, I’m just so so sorry. xxx
Life can be so cruel sometimes, 7 miscarriages along and we now have our rainbow baby, please take care of yourselves and never give up. Xx
So sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. I know of somebody who had multiple miscarriages (6+) and it was only after seeing a miscarriage specialist in London it was identified that her immune system was so strong it was attacking the fetus. A course of immuno suppressing drugs led to a successful pregnancy.
Hi. Can you give the name of the specialist? I’m in the states and just had my third miscarriage. My doctor says that she will not check for this because the American society for infertility does not recommend it. Please help.
I’m so so sorry. I’ve had 3 consecutive miscarriages and it’s devastating. A positive test means nothing, the first heartbeat on a scan means nothing. Been there done that. And still lost.
Sorry to state the obvious, but have you tried the clinic at Coventry University Hospital? Professors Quenby and Brosens are wonderful.
There is also Dr Shehata at Epsom who I know a few women have had success with, he can be seen privately or via NHS.
I’m so so sorry, it’s truly heartbreaking xx
I’m so so sorry for your loss. I know that point you’re at (well, nearly, our four losses were before we had any children), and it sucks. To feel completely hopeless and helpless is soul destroying. I’m not sure if you’ve already been, but Prof Quenby’s implantation clinic in Coventry is incredible. We went there after our fourth loss, feeling completely destitute and unhelpable andctge staff were amazing. They’re an academic unit (so not for profit), and the hope they helped to reignite in us was unbelievable. They helped bring us our two amazing babies, and so, to me, they are miracle workers, and I can never thank them enough. There is always hope, even when it feels like there is none left.
Rest up. All of you. Thinking of you x
Al I’m so so sorry to hear this. There is nothing anyone can say to take your pain away but it may comfort you to know we are all thinking of you and sending love xxx
I am so sorry for your loss, Me and my husband have walked the same path but not the same journey, every loss is heartbreaking, we lost 4 sweet babies in a row and then had our little miracle in 2014 which was a quite difficult road to get him here full term , after him we have lost 2 more, there’s no words that can really give comfort in this kind of situation, but know there is a huge support system praying for you and your sweet wife and sending hopeful healing thoughts your way❤
Even though I don’t know you and you don’t know me, you guys are feeling exactly what we were feeling after every miscarriage we went through. We had 3 in total and I know it gets harder and harder and harder. Plus the stupid feeling of shattered hopes and broken heart never goes away. Sometimes in the middle of the night I cry and still ask why – after almost 4 years from our last one. I ask why I didn’t get the chance to be a mam and seek answers to poop loads of questions, when there are none to be found. The anger I feel when people and doctors look at you and say, next time everything will be fine, it was just bad luck makes me want to strangle them or shout into their faces – HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT, WHEN YOU CAN’T EVEN TELL ME WHAT WENT WRONG THIS TIME! There is nothing one can say to you as I know from my own experience, so just hold each other hands and hold each other close.
I’m so sorry for your loss but don’t give up hope .My sister had five miscarriages and lost her son at 23 week but she now has 3 Beautiful children. She was told by consultant to take one aspirin everyday and till she was 37 weeks this was to help the placenta from blood clotting which can be a common cause of miscarriage, this did help helped my sister in carrying her babies full-term But she did found out after losing her son at 23 weeks that she had incompetent cervix so had to have I cervical stitch put in at 14 weeks So she could Carry the baby full term she then had it removed at 37 weeks . Sending lots of love your way . X
I am truly sorry for your losses
My partner and I have sadly been through the same thing and desperate to have another healthy baby
There isn’t any support out there and to be told your pregnancy wasn’t viable !!?? That’s our baby you are talking about !
I wish you both all the luck in the world and hope you do go on to have a baby x
It’s the absolute worse and I wish I could use stronger language because terrible and awful just don’t cut it. I too have also now had 4 miscarriages, although fertility treatment as we don’t seem to be able to get pregnant naturally. Even though there is nothing wrong with us. No reason to not be able to conceive naturally, no reason why I keep miscarry ingredients. It’s the biggest load of…………ever!
We’re like you, when do you stop. We now have the added pressure of if we have more treatment it will cost thousands.
You never think you’re going to be that person, the ones who can’t have kids.
Yes, you are extremely unlucky and by the sounds if it you are doing everything you can. When/if you get pregnant again, it will be the most terrifying time. But there is always a tiny glimmer of hope because life is random and you just never know. Much love to you both xxx
I too am just going through my 5th miscarriage in a row. I am so so angry too. Thank you for sharing your words, it helps us in the same position feel less lonely xx
I am so sorry for all your loss but please do not give up hope. I had 8 recurrent miscarriages before I finally had my rainbow baby. I didnt really do anything different other than change my job.
I believe im just highly fertile and my body will grow any egg even if the egg may not be any good and I am currently taking part in recurrent miscarriage research through Tommys.
I hope you do not have to suffer anymore before you get your rainbow baby. Take care of each other.
That’s horrible news. We all send our best wishes (Mike, Rachel, Ben, George, Lottie) xxx
I know your heartache and pain I have had 13 recurrent miscarriages after my first born (and 1 before him) I was told to stop my husband also said we need to stop but I believe if you want something so bad it is worth the heartache and yes I had my beautiful rainbow baby girl I had no attachment to her all through my pregnancy until I held her in my arms (my poor husband had an emotional wreck on his hands that day) I have went on to have another 3 miscarriages and have been gravely ill each time with sepsis and now have been told no more!
Sadly each pregnancy from the day I conceived I had morning sickness (all day) till a week after each loss each pregnancy was the same every time ☹️ The only thing that kept me going was that I kept telling myself “it takes a while for perfection”
I hope you don’t give up on your ‘perfection’ x
Hi, read your story as it was shared on FB. I’m angry for you too, and know how it feels. We had 7 miscarriages in total, 4 before baby 1, 3 before baby 2. We were sad, angry, desperate and hopeless too. Nothing anyone said was right (despite best intentions). We found it particularly difficult when other parents gave stiff upper lip advice: “Forget about it, it will happen next time”. Arghhhhh!! By the way, each time we had a successful pregnancy, my wife insisted on getting prescribed progesterone. Apparently the evidence for its efficacy isn’t really there, but each time she took it, she got pregnant. Perhaps it was a coincidence, but after being told so many times that we were unlikely to have more than 2 or 3 miscarriages, we were willing to try anything. I feel bad telling you that as I don’t want to raise your hopes, but your article was meaningful to me so I would feel bad not to share what happened to us. Good luck, and look after each other. [Man hug]
Ugh. I’m so very sorry. I do truly understand. We had 6 miscarriages at various stages before finally having our rainbow baby. There’s nothing anyone can say. But I hear you, and I feel you, and I’m so damn sorry.
I’m so sorry for what you guys are going through. Reading your post echos the feelings in my heart. The anger at why you have to feel like getting pregnant is totally tainted and filled with fear instead of happiness and excitement. I’ve just suffered my second misscarriage and I feel like we are expected to have another one before anyone will take us seriously and investigate. As if going through this nightmare twice was not enough. Even though they know something is wrong. It’s so hard to have hope. When I feel like hope is all your meant to have. Take care and I hope you beat those odds xx
I hadn’t come across your blog before but I saw it linked on the Tommy’s page. I’m so sorry for you & your wife. I had 5 first tri miscarriages & then lost a son at 21 weeks before having my rainbow daughter. I just wanted to tell you there is hope even though you are also on the wrong side of the statistics, just sadly no guarantees. I was tested for everything & all my tests were normal but when I lost my son, I was diagnosed with a blood clotting problem (not APS which I don’t have) & took aspirin as well as injecting blood thinners every day – this was from looking at his placenta & not further tests on me (although I had more too). I’m sure that Jen in particular has had all the tests going, so I just wanted to share my experience when the tests are all normal.
I no how you both feel me and my partner have had five miscarriages to and i am petrified of trying again big hugs to you both
I am truly sorry for you, I had seven miscarriages before a miracle happened and have suffered eight more, but I have a wonderful son that is my world.
Don’t give up, it is hard and seeing the changes in your body and watching others with the child you so badly want. But never give up hope, you will get there and all this heartache will be worth it.
I pray you reach your dream x
I had tears rolling down my face reading your post. I am so utterly sorry for everything you have been through. It must be absolutely heartbreaking. It is so admirable of you to write about your experiences, raising awareness and also providing support for others experiencing the same. Your words are so poignant and heartfelt. I have written a lot about my own miscarriage – it’s such an important issue for those of us who feel we can to talk and write about, even though it can be painfully hard too. You are in my thoughts xx
This is such a moving story. Thank you for sharing it. I’m so sorry you and your wife have gone through this. I suffered a miscarriage with my first pregnancy and it’s so hard, I can only vaguely imagine what you have been experiencing with all this . But one thing I would say amongst all of this, especially as a woman whose husband didn’t support me. After my miscarriage and after the birth of our son we divorced, I am stuck by what a wonderful husband you are and what a strong relationship you have. I hope that helps you get through these painful times. I wish you both the best of luck x
I felt your pain whilst reading that, having had 6 losses myself, each one earlier and earlier. Sending love and health my to you both, and when you are ready to face hope again please contact Mohammed Taranissi at the ARGC clinic in London. Exhaustive testing until they find the problem, and the highest successful pregnancy rate in the UK. I now have beautiful twins because of this amazing man and his team.
You will find a way, love and nurture each other’s souls along the way and don’t give up believing. ❤
I am so sorry for your losses and your heartache. My partner and I have also had 5 losses in a row, four pregnancies, in the past two years. We have been tested for everything under the sun and tried all sorts of medications and supplements and treatments to keep our babies alive. We lost our first early at 7 weeks, then healthy twin boys well into our second trimester, then a little girl who didn’t have a heartbeat all of a sudden at 12 weeks ,and then another early loss at 8 weeks in July of this past year. We are pregnant again and I’ve made it to 26 1/2 weeks. We almost lost this one again too at 17 weeks when I suddenly started to dilate and leak fluid. My OB did an emergency cerclage and I’ve been on bed rest ever since. Every single day I wait and wonder if I will feel a kick or if it has passed away inside me. We say things like “if the baby is born alive”… We have refused to buy a single item until the baby is alive and well and in our arms for more than 48 hours.
We can relate to every single thing you have said . We are a in a very horrific club. There are very few of couples like us.
Recently we had a family member on my partner’s side share that she wasn’t comfortable being around us because we are so depressing and negative. My Mum, who I rarely get along with, defended us and shared that we are quite possibly the most optimistic people in the world. We have made it through more pain than most couples will ever know, we have stayed together, we have tried again. She’s right. To live through such darkness… it takes courage, optimism and huge bravery.
I am so terribly sorry. I hope you can find some solace in knowing that there is another couple out there who has been through what you have and we are still together, still in love, and still fighting for a happily ever after. The odds are absolutely terrible, it’s true. Try not to let it break your spirit. It’s hard to live a life with a broken heart and a broken spirit. Lean into each other, take lots of time to grieve, look for support wherever you can find it, and don’t be scared to share your story over and over again. We aren’t the first, we aren’t the only people to go through this, and we won’t be the last unfortunately. Much love to you and your partner.
This is exactly how my husband and I feel. We had our 5th miscarriage end of November 2016. Our 5th I 5years. There is no joy during pregnancy and I hate life from taking the joy away. We have been given medication to see if that helps. Fingers crossed.
So glad people are talking about this subject more. All the best for you and hope one day a rainbow baby happens.
I wish I could say something to help ease your pain. I’m days away from giving birth after multiple miscarriages so I do know your pain. There are positives in your situation to hold onto. The fact that you have had a successful pregnancy together in between losses is huge.
My only successful pregnancies have been when I’ve gone into hospital and put on a fluid drip for a few days at a time to treat dehydration due to hyperemesis gravidarum (severe morning sickness)… I can’t help but wonder if this has been the game changer…. and I’m sure you’d agree in a heartbeat that anything has to be worth a try.
Out of 7 pregnancies the 4 I lost had made it to anything from 12 to 18 weeks with severe sickness but no iv-fluids given… yet my 2 daughter’s and my current pregnancy have all been assisted by Iv-fluids between weeks 8 and 18…
I’m not saying this is the answer but if by me sharing my story it in someway helps you both or someone else out there then I’m glad my pain and losses has not been in total vain.
I’m so sorry. Can’t imagine how much pain you must both be in. Sending love x
I’m so sorry for your loss. I became pregnant quite quickly after our third miscarriage. When we saw the “pregnant” sign we were both immediately filled with dread not happiness. We were filled with anxiety in fact I was so sure I was going to lose this baby I woke up every morning knowing that today was the day we were going to lose our baby. Every. Single. Day. I had crippling morning sickness. I started little routines like I wouldn’t get out of the bath until I had had three kicks even if that would take an hour or two. I watched Call the Midwife and was sure I had jinks the pregnancy. Every scan I knew we were going to hear the dreaded words. We had private scans confirming that everything was ok. 10 minutes after the scan I was convinced she had died. This carried on through the whole pregnancy. From 6 weeks I suffered from Restless Leg Syndrome which at its peake meant that I was lucky if I managed to get 2 hours sleep out of 24 hours with went on until I was 28 weeks when my mind finally snapped and I was committed to a mother and baby unit. I just wanted to die. I couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t take the baby out and put her into an incubator so the sickness and restless leg would stop. At that time I wanted to die. The staff at the unit were amazing and I only stayed for 2 weeks. I was given benzodiazepines to help me sleep and for about 1 month I enjoyed being pregnant. Then one night I had reduced movements so was given a scan only to be told that our baby was transverse meaning should my waters break there would be nothing stopping the cord coming out and stopping the baby getting oxygen. I was admitted to hospital for the last two weeks of pregnancy. I felt like a walking time bomb. Finally the day came for my C-Section and even whilst waiting I still didn’t believe that we would have a live baby then there she was above the blue sheet crying and we had our rainbow baby. I had Emilia when I was 43. Please please don’t give up. I have a lovely friend who had 7 miscarriages and they found out that her and her husband had a protein that didn’t match so the baby never progressed any further than 7 weeks. After a lot of research, injections and money they now have a 3 year old. It hurts so much the empty feeling, the loss of promise and what ifs. You have time on your side so please don’t give up. You deserve this xx
Al & Jen…. I’m so very sorry. I lost my baby at 22 weeks and know the dread and sickness you feel when you’re going through this. My love & hugs are with you both…. Gutted for you both. Big Hugs xxx
My heart is just breaking for you both. We are currently going through our 2nd miscarriage in 8 months, this time it was a missed one. The courage you have to share your story with us all at this very devastating time is beyond admirable. Sending all our love and best wishes for whatever the future may hold, for all of us x
So, SO sorry to read this. Devastating.
So sorry for your loss. There’s is nothing that can be said to make it all better. I have also had 4 miscarriages in a row and truly understand the feeling of hopelessness. Wishing you all love and peace during this xx
so sorry man. My heart breaks for you both
I am just heart broken for you
So sorry to hear you are going through this. I also suffered with recurrent miscarriages. Being pregnant felt so scary as i kept expecting the worst :(
I ended up waiting to see a recurrent miscarriage specialist/clinic and had all different blood tests etc. When I went back I had found out I had fallen pregnant. This ended up being my youngest son Oscar who is now 7.
Best wishes to you and your family
Hi, so, so sorry to hear this mate. Every word of your story I could have written myself, I recognise everything you say. Many people here advice to never give up and speak about their own miscarriages. Out of my own experience I can say as well to keep believing in what you want; my wife and I had 5 consecutive miscarriages between 2010-2013 (we took a break the whole of 2012 though, we were lost in sadness). Now we have 2 healthy and beautiful children, I still can´t believe it.
I hope this gives you strength.
Wow! I just stumbled across your post while on Pinterest. It is mind boggling how similar our stories are. I just had my 4th miscarriage yesterday. Two of them were before my son who is now 5 years old. I was in complete fear of trying for a second child due to my history, but decided to take a leap of faith. The first leap ended in heartache last September, so we decided we would try one more time. We found out a few weeks before Christmas, but this time I had zero excitement. I had pure fear. My husband, being Mr. Positive, talked me into telling our closest friends and family. Like you, we normally kept them all secrets until I felt safer about it or the worst happened. I figured we could try it different this time and could always use the extra prayers. But as I stated earlier, it ended in another heartache. I had made it very clear and thought I meant it when I said this was our last time, but now I don’t know how I feel. I feel like it is hopeless to try again and my body is so traumatized, but having two more losses made me realize how much I really wanted my son to have a sibling. I also know the evil percentages on recurrent miscarriages. I feel like this is an impossible decision.
I have only just seen your post from 3 years ago and my heart goes out to you. Many years ago I had 2 sons followed by 5 miscarriages . I then went on to have 2 more boys. I believe in my heart that my 5 angle babies are my daughters which one day I will meet in heaven. I would love to know wether you now have a baby or even 2. Xxxx