Should You Resolve Conflict With Your Partner in Front of Children?

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If you’re in a relationship then I’m willing to bet you’ve argued with your partner. Sure, we’ve all seen some variation on the news report on a couple of octogenarians that have been married since the 1950s and never had an argument. They’re either void of all personality or full or shit, possibly both.
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I’ve been married for 8 months at the time of writing this and my wife and I have had our fair share of arguments, from the petty to the ones that get you down for days. It’s not a regular thing but two people living together after a lifetime of their own experiences and priorities will disagree at times, it’s normal.

So… what about when there’s a difference of opinion and our 5-year-old daughter is within earshot? What if she hears mummy and daddy disagreeing with each other? Will she worry that we’re about to break up, that she’ll have to choose between us because one of us will be leaving? I doubt it.

I know a lot of people who would avoid the discussion until the child was a safe distance away from the blast radius.
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They’d completely ignore the topic and try to carry on as normal until a suitable time came up to discuss it properly.

I’m telling you now – kids notice this change in atmosphere.

They notice the lack of real smiles, the short sentences to each other and the coldness.

I don’t know about you, but this feels more wrong to me than talking something out. I’d rather our daughter realised there was a difference of opinion but then witnessed us each putting our points forward. Yes, you have to be less heated than you’d probably like but that’s not a bad thing. She would see the full arc, right up to the conclusions and resolution. No pent-up anger or disdain. Healthy, no?

We’ve seen the calm way she will approach disagreements with her friends and I genuinely feel it’s down to our approach with this. Yes, there are times she will get irritated and lose it – she’s a kid – but for the most part she listens, reasons, and resolves.

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