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Thank You

This is one of the hardest posts we’ve ever had to write.
We discussed it over and over and we still can’t find the right words. (Not least because of the hideous comments recently from trolls which makes us anxious about almost everything to say about miscarriage and infertility). So forgive us if this comes across a little muddled.
We are both feeling extremely emotional and it’s hard to put our feelings down on paper. (We will be saying the same message in our stories in the hope you can see the emotion behind our words as written words don’t always convey the full story).
On 4th of December we had our final appointment at the recurrent miscarriage clinic. After 7 miscarriages we have been unable to get pregnant again. The last miscarriage was 15 months ago. Despite taking numerous supplements and using fertility tests we have been unable to fall pregnant. For us this period of infertility has been harder than the 4 years and seven miscarriages themselves. It has felt final and we’ve both struggled a lot during this time. The appointment confirmed that the recurrent miscarriage clinic cannot help us anymore as we aren’t falling pregnant and after 15 months this is classed as infertility.
Our doctor then confirmed that as we have children we aren’t able to access any infertility clinics that may be available. Unless we paid privately. This isn’t something we are in a financial position to be able to do. And we don’t feel it is a financial position we will ever be in. Throw in the fact that Jen is 41 this year and it’s clear that time is running out. Or it’s run out.
We shared this information on Instagram as we’ve shared our full journey over the past 5 years and that night we had literally hundreds of messages asking us to set up a crowd funding page to enable us to have a round of IVF. This wasn’t something we would ever have considered doing for ourselves and we thanked everyone for their thoughts but said that we wouldn’t be making a page. But it was something that 4 of our incredible friends decided upon. Adam from @storiesofadad alongside Chels, Scott and Liv started a GoFundMe for us. We were speechless. Truly blown away that we had friends that cared so much for us. Particularly as these friends have only been in our lives the past year through TheDadsnet. The love they have shown us in that gesture is extraordinary and we are so very grateful to them all. Their kindness will never be forgotten. 

Within 24 hours the page unbelievably raised £1300. This was down to them and more of our recent wonderful Instagram friends sharing the page with their followers. We were mind blown. We were sent a link to the page and we were both utterly speechless. The fact that complete strangers as well as these Instagram friends cared about us enough to donate their very hard earned money to help us have a baby is something we will never be able to believe. The kindness and generosity, the love and the support, has been honestly out of this world. We cannot believe anyone would do that for us. We are honestly, truly eternally grateful and still cannot believe it.

The next day we received yet more messages asking for us to share the link so that they could donate. We didn’t feel that we could do that. Not because we weren’t grateful, my God we were floored by the very thought, but because we didn’t feel able to accept the generosity and kindness of others in this way. And so the page went unshared from that day onwards. This was a very difficult decision to make.
£1300 is a such a huge amount of money. An amount we honestly cannot believe was raised. Thank you all, from the bottom of our hearts. We had the option to use the money to have initial tests but we do not feel that we should start a journey we know we won’t be able to wouldn’t be fair on the people that have donated and we would feel like we’d let you all down. 
Consequently, the page was shut down today, by our very dear friends that set it up. That means that every kind, wonderful, huge-hearted person that donated will have their donation returned to them within 5-10 days.
From the bottom of our hearts, thank you. Thank you for caring. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for knowing how much this has meant to us. Thank you for supporting us. Thank you for your love, for your thoughts, for your time. Thank you for everything.

We are both really struggling right now. We are discussing the possibility of counselling about our losses and infertility,, something we’ve never had on our journey so far. I find it easy to talk on here. To the screen but I struggle to talk to Jen. And that needs to change. 
We are sorry. We just hope that you all know that we have done what we think is best, even though it’s been a very difficult decision full of a rollercoaster of emotions. We love you all for trying so hard for us. When we first shared our family on Instagram we never for a second realised it would end up here; with us having our very own second family. An Instagram family. A large family filled with the most wonderful people with the biggest hearts. Thank you ❤

About Al Ferguson

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Al Ferguson is the CEO and founder of The Dadsnet.
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