Because nothing is funnier than frustrated parents. Enjoy!
[watching the new Star Wars teaser]
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 12, 2019
6-year-old: Girls are the best Jedi.
Me: Maybe.
6: It wasn’t a question.
Thinking about starting a business where I pick up parents from their homes, hand them a bottle of wine, drive them to an open field and let them scream at the top of their lungs for 20 minutes before dropping them back off at home.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 8, 2019
Million dollar idea.
Why can’t babies just scream internally like the rest of us?
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 11, 2019
have you met kids? https://t.co/BYkmwq7fTy
— the ana rice. (@theanarice) April 11, 2019
If you’ve never had an adorable little human follow you into the bathroom and say “good job” after you wipe yourself, you wanna borrow mine?
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) April 10, 2019
Son #2 just called his Eggs Benedict "Eggs with benefits" and now I may not be able to make them again until he's 18.
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) April 13, 2019
just when I think I've finally become immune to anything the parents might say, mom tells me that I look "more & more like ur disheveled alcoholic aunt every day," & back to square one I guess
— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) February 16, 2019
Things go down fast when you have kids. One second everything is fine kids are calm eating lunch, then you blink and there's milk everywhere someone got stabbed with a fork everyone is screaming and you're in the corner crying.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 10, 2019
Questions you never need to ask a toddler:
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 10, 2019
– What do you think of the dinner I made?
– Do you mind repeating that?
– Seen any cool bugs lately?
– Will you come watch me poop?
– Want to push the elevator button?
Why do baby clothes have pockets. What do babies have to carry?
— ?Talk To The Hatter? (@Talk_To_The_Hat) April 12, 2019
Kids mispronouncing things is super adorable but at some point I will have to tell my daughter we don’t put Farmer John cheese on spaghetti.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 8, 2019
My two year old fell asleep holding a pancake and when he woke up a few mins ago he said “where pancake go? I miss it,” in the softest voice I’ve ever heard
— Dominique Matti (@_dominiquematti) April 13, 2019
What I said: GO TO BED!
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 7, 2019
What my kids heard: Start looking for a toy that was lost 5 years ago.
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