Today is the day that the first baby would have been due. It’s at this point I wonder whether I would have been in the hospital listening to my wife in labour pain and seeing my baby come into the world.
As it happens, that isn’t what’s happening. Life sometimes throws a huge curve ball at you and the only thing you can do is react in the best way possible.
What would we have called the baby, would it have been healthy, what would it have looked like, what would the nursery have looked like, boy or girl? I think to myself that as I am looking online at buggies and furniture, I would have had all this done and ready and yet that isn’t the case.
There’s a large part of me that wants to know the answers. However, despite all these questions, I don’t want to spend a great deal of time thinking about it, as I’m sure you can imagine.
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Whilst it’s important to remember what might have been, it’s equally, if not more, important to remember how fortunate I am. Despite having that miscarriage, I now have a wonderful, healthy baby and I understand that not everyone is in that position, and my heart goes out to you.
That’s how I look at it. I want to take that experience and use it to make me (and us) better and stronger.
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I want it to help me appreciate what I have got and all that follows. And, in all honesty, there isn’t a day gone by that I haven’t appreciated Rex and all that it entails, since that miscarriage.
It’s weird a feeling, I have a lovely baby boy who wouldn’t be here if we didn’t have the miscarriage. There’s no ambiguity in that, he was conceived only a couple months after so my wife would have still been pregnant at that point if not for the miscarriage. I love my boy to bits but now the due date of the miscarried baby is approaching I’m feeling upset, almost as bad as the day we had the miscarriage confirmed. It’s hard to figure out the two as one couldn’t exist without the other, I feel sad because it happened then I feel bad for feeling sad as if it hadn’t happened my boy wouldn’t be here now.