Today is the day that the first baby would have been due. It’s at this point I wonder whether I would have been in the hospital listening to my wife in labour pain and seeing my baby come into the world. As it happens, that isn’t what’s happening. Life sometimes throws a huge curve ball at you and the only thing you can do is react in the best way possible.
It’s a weird feeling. I mean, to imagine what it would have been like, had the miscarriage not have happened. What would we have called the baby, would it have been healthy, what would it have looked like, what would the nursery have looked like, boy or girl? I think to myself that as I am looking online at buggies and furniture, I would have had all this done and ready and yet that isn’t the case. There’s a large part of me that wants to know the answers. However, despite all these questions, I don’t want to spend a great deal of time thinking about it, as I’m sure you can imagine.
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Whilst it’s important to remember what might have been, it’s equally, if not more, important to remember how fortunate I am. Despite having that miscarriage, I now have a wonderful, healthy baby and I understand that not everyone is in that position, and my heart goes out to you.
Today has been a difficult day: thinking about what might have been but also a day for me to count my blessings and look at what’s good. All those emotions I felt at the time are more apparent and rawer than normal but at the same time I am thankful for the beautiful boy growing inside the wife as I type. How do those 2 things add up?
If I hadn’t have had that experience I doubt I’d feel the same as I do about Rex, and believe me, I wouldn’t change the way I feel about him for the world. It’s funny how experiences in life affect the future. It’s not that I am saying I am pleased we had the miscarriage, it’s more that I have the mindset to use bad experiences and turn them into making me better. Things so dark and sad can be turned and used as things that make us better and stronger. That’s how I look at it. I want to take that experience and use it to make me (and us) better and stronger.
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I want it to help me appreciate what I have got and all that follows. And, in all honesty, there isn’t a day gone by that I haven’t appreciated Rex and all that it entails, since that miscarriage.