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The truth about how my fathers ​actions have influenced my parenting

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By Kat Davies

Kat, mum/wife, two beautiful daughters. Currently living in Hampshire, England.

Published on 05/10/2018

In order to write something powerful, I need to be passionate about what I am writing & there is nothing I am more passionate about than parenting my girls the right way.

But what is the right way?

Well, I have no idea, really! We are all just scrambling our way through this crazy adventure called parenthood & hoping for the best. Something I am sure we all share is a love for our children that knows no bounds.

Childhood experiences

As a child, I had two loving parents who were married for a very long time. This was always the ‘norm’ and I knew no different. However, my parents split when I was 12 and this affected me massively. The relationship with my dad pretty much broken down the day he left. He became a stranger to me and I didn’t recognise the man he became. A lot of his life choices are not ones that I agree with and this made it very hard to maintain any level of respect or relationship with a man who I didn’t know.

For a long time, I tried to battle to save/maintain a relationship with my father because I felt it was the right thing to do especially when I was pregnant.

I never wanted my children to say, ‘you never tried’ and certainly didn’t want them to resent me for it. Only now as a parent myself do I realise I don’t have to battle for a relationship with anyone. Effort and time have to be made on both parts and without that a relationship will inevitably break down.

It’s very hard as a parent to know when you are making the right decisions; I think just about everyone I know battles with this.

Are you sending them to the right school?

Are you feeding them the right diet?

Are you letting the right people have an influence on their lives?

Parenting after relationship breakdown

As with any other parent, when your child comes in to this world, it’s like you suddenly become the soppiest ball of mush ever & yet in the same instance there is a fire in your belly that erupts and you would do anything to protect your baby. This is exactly what happened for me and I promised myself I would never allow anyone to treat either of my daughters the way I have been.

Not only did my father’s actions influence my parenting, it influenced massively on the choice I made for my children’s father – I needed to know that no matter what, that one day if the worst happened and my relationship ever broke down, that the man that raised our children would still be there come rain or shine, just as a dad should be.

Luckily for me, I struck gold!

Life lessons for our girls

Our home is filled with love & laughter & the four of us have a bond that can never be broken. We all tell each other that we love each other every single day and we always make sure the girls are hugged, kissed and shown affection.

We teach them that being kind is the best thing in the world but that it’s also OK to stand up for what you believe in. Already at 3 years old, our daughter has a passion in her belly and a diva attitude, that I am sure will ensure one day she runs the country!

I want our girls to always know they were born out of love, that everything we do is for them. I want them to grow up to be so proud of who they are that they never fear standing out from the crowd. I want them to explore every adventure or chance that they get and I want them to follow their dreams.

Most importantly, I want them always to know that Mummy & Daddy are right behind them, that their dreams are our dreams – that nothing they ever dream to do is silly, whatever makes them happy, is what makes us happy.

Of all the things in the world I could wish for is that my girls grow up to know that Mummy & Daddy have made every choice with them in mind & I can only hope that one day when raising their own children that the way they parent is based on a much happier experience than mine.

I am a mother of two girls, married to my husband for just under a year but have been together for 8 years now. I live in Hampshire, England.

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  1. Denise Easterbrook

    You have two very lucky girls – strong heartfelt words!

  2. Marie

    Wow I am choked up! You have become a beautiful thoughtful lady. I admire you so much and your Mum did a fantastic job with you! ? us mum’s know our children always come first. X

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