Mothers Day can be a tricky one to navigate for blended families. Of course, the clue is in the name for who should be thanked and celebrated on the day, but what does it mean for Step Mums?
Often, the Step Mum in your life can find it tricky.
In my personal experience as a childless Step Mum, it doesn’t matter whether you’re mum or step-mum. If you’re a mum in any capacity, Mother’s Day is for you.
Not being acknowledged at all on the day is a bit of a stinger. Why wouldn’t you and your children take the opportunity to show her how much you value and respect her on Mothering Sunday? If your children have a good relationship with her and she is involved in a mothering type role; it seems odd to let it pass without something, anything.
My Step Son lives with us 5 days a week and on Mother’s Day, there is no question or discussion that he will be anywhere else, other than with his Mum. I’ll see him in the morning before he goes and it’s in no way upsetting for me. I have no desire to change this dynamic because it works for us.
Celebrating a Step Mum within a blended family isn’t about having two Mums or anyone trying to replace anyone. It’s about celebrating a good Mum and a good Step Mum.
Being a Step Mum is a different role to a biological Mum, with its own relationship complexities, ups and downs. Step Mums can often struggle to find a role within their blended family; they often doubt themselves and are fully aware they are not your children’s Mother whilst at the same time striving to do the best they can for the children.
Acknowledging a Step Mum on Mother’s Day isn’t a move towards challenging your children’s affection for their Mum, it’s purely about showing appreciation for the positive things brought to the family by a Step Mum. If you live with a woman who is a part of your children’s lives, if she helps you raise those children, helps to provide a stable home for them, has always welcomed them and had respect for your relationship with them as their Father and over time has grown to love and nurture them with you along with creating her own relationship with them, then I’d say it’s a damn good opportunity to show that woman how much you respect her and are thankful for her being in all your lives.
It also presents the opportunity to have a really positive conversation with your children about how thankful you are that she is a part of your blended family.
The biggest complaint I hear from Step Mums is how they feel underappreciated and unnoticed in their own homes. I cannot encourage you enough to write a card or make a small gift or do good old breakfast in bed. Whether it be on Mother’s Day or an alternative chosen date; it will mean the world to the woman who chooses to be part of raising your children. If she knows how much you appreciate her as a Step Mum it will make all the little and big things she puts thought and effort into worthwhile.
The small act of appreciation has a huge impact on being a happy Step Mum.
Believe me, it can be that simple.