How many children do you want? Have you braved breaching the subject of having another with your wife yet? When to have baby number two is a minefield.
I learnt fairly quickly and with a bump that asking the wife if she fancies another kid inside 24 hours of having one is a mistake. I’m still carrying the limp from the dead leg she gave 10 weeks later…
Anyway, this is a fairly legitimate question to ask, but timing is important. It is definitely worth allowing things to settle down, her body to recover somewhat and enough time for the hideous labour pains to be a more distant memory.
The question is this:
Do you A) have another baby close together because whilst your tired, changing nappies and breastfeeding, you might as well just extend that period for a little bit longer. Or B) Give a good enough gap so you’re going into the next one fresh as a daisy… or at least having had a solid 7 hours sleep!
There’s certainly pro’s and con’s on both sides of this debate. On one hand I think that it would be nice for the boy to have a sibling close his own age so they can grow up together and play together and ultimately be good friends.
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Not that the same thing couldn’t happen with a larger age gap!
On the other hand the age gap will allow us time to find our feet again. Enjoy a drunken night again and sleep through the hour of 3am! The wife said to me that she couldn’t possibly be any more exhausted than she is at the moment so she might as well be exhausted and pregnant.
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We’re in the thick of dirty nappy heaven and our washing machine is on 3 times a day… surely it would make sense to have another one whilst we’re in this phase! Why would you come out of the phase only to go back through it a few months later?
In reality, this comes down to a personal preference. The amount of factors effecting when you have a baby are vast and need to be considered and at the same time, you have to do what’s right for you and your family.
I’d love another baby. We were looking through photo’s of the boy when he was just born and I already miss that stage.
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It has gone so quick, I’d like to have it again. I’m anticipating this occurring for every stage though! Help! Going by that mentality I’ll be having a kid every 1 1/4 years….!
What do you think? Is there the perfect age gap between siblings? What’s the age gap between your kids?
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Does it work?
Ours are 17 months to the day. It was hard work as both needed different things but now at 3.5 and 2 it’s great that they are so close.
2 is a good number for us. We didnt plan on kids so close but life throws this stuff at you and it turned out just fine.
Yeah, it’s a tough one really. I reckon get all the hard work out the way and the rest of life is easier… Sounds like we’ll aim for something similar to you.
Thanks for your comment.
My kid is 6 months. Im 31. Ive been broaching the subject with my wife. Id rather get kids out of the way early so that I’m not 45 with an 8 year old, lol. She isn’t too excited about the idea but we’re slowly edging in that direction.
Any progress? Mines not an age thing, I’m only 26 but i just can’t wait for another, and another, and another! Don’t tell the wife :)
Our little dude is 4 (5 in April) and the new little lady 7wks! The age gap works for us as we’ve enjoyed lots holidays and growing up with the dude. He’s now just started school so out the house in the day for quiet time with little lady. Plus he’s enjoying helping out and being involved. It’s a bit easier because he can feed, dress and entertainin himself if need be. Do feel old doing it again now and you’re right, goes so fast so we’re enjoying the moments before they’re gone!
Sounds like the perfect age gap for you and your family :)
I won’t have any more!! Two is enough…plus personal reasons stopping it…think I might need a partner first ;-)
Although with the two neither were exactly planned, that being said I think their age gap is perfect. 2.5 years difference. The eldest was old enough to be entertained without necessarily need everything done for him or such intense at tanto that a younger child would need. They’re pretty close age wise at that point as well so now they’re like best friends mote than brothers I think anything more might have made it difficult. (My brother and I have just under 4 years difference…which meant that it was enough to not be close once the older child’s age and interests change)
These two will pretty much go to school together so can keep an eye on each other…but there will/and is an age difference enough for them to create their own friends and identities.
Glad you found that the age gap worked so well for you :)
There is 2yrs 10 months between my first two and it worked out perfectly. I personally think it’s important to have one on one with each child enjoy their milestones etc. When my second was born my eldest started nursery so having that one on one time was possible. My two are great playmates and it’s also worked out they are 2 years apart in school. My girls were 8 and 5 when baby 3 was born been nice to go back and really savour everything also girls are at school so baby has lots of attention. I think you just do what works for you and it’ll all come good in the end.
our eldest was 20 weeks old when I started expecting his brother and we ended with 13 months age gap and spot on 22 months between 2nd and 3rd, this is how we wanted it and are glad nature agreed with us, would much rather get the nappy changing phase out of the way in one go than start all over again :) also all 3 are really close and play together now that our youngest is already approaching 10 months x
Glad that you found that the age gap worked so well for you and your family :)
It is a hard question to answer but since M was born 11 months ago I have wanted another. We have started trying now so could have 20 month gap. Time will tell. I think a big gap can have advantages just as much as a small gap. Don’t know if you ever know what is right.
Good luck :)
Yeah one little girl for me and that’s going to be it, had a “procedure” to ensure that a couple of years ago. Good luck going forward!
Thanks Gary :)
My little one was born in April – we initally wanted to start TTC this month, but realized that the time line we’ve set up for ourselves no longer works with our upcoming “life” events (new house, business travel, a sibling’s destination wedding). It’s a little disappointing because I wanted to get the “newborn phase” dealt with in one shot, but waiting another six months shouldn’t be that bad.
If all goes to plan, they’ll be 2 years apart and by that point, I hope I don’t end up with sad toddler jealous of all the baby attention!
I was fortunate that my oldest daughter, while very much enjoying all the attention from being the only child for a bit, was also very sweet and nurturing. I was able to channel that into having her “help” with her baby sister – go grab me a diaper, sit next to her and play quietly or watch a movie while she sleeps, push her gently in the baby swing, etc.
Maybe you can channel a nurturing or protective personality into helping you with the baby!
Good luck and all the best :)
We had 4 kids just as fast as we possibly could. When our 4th child was born our oldest was 4 and a half. It’s a lot of tough work but we really enjoy them all being so close in age.
WOW! Hats off to you :)
My oldest two are 11 and 9, 2-1/2 years apart. It was a LOT of work and a lot of adjustment, but it really was a bit easier to have a baby while I was still very much in baby mode.
A year ago last May I had another baby, and a few things struck me:
1) It is a LOT harder to be pregnant at 31 than it is at 20. Or 22.
2) I didn’t realize how badly I took for granted being done with the baby and toddler stage. Oh well!
3) It is nice having the older girls to help with the baby.
4) Despite it all, I’m still glad to have the third one around. He’s a cutie!
Now, the irrational side of me wants even MORE kids, but the rational side politely reminds me that’s not what I REALLY want. What I really want is for all my friends to keep having kids so I can be like that cool older sister who always knows what to do with babies!
Thanks os much for sharing all of that. My wife has a ten year age gap between her two and said being pregnant was much harder!