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Why WE’RE not pregnant

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By Jon

Hi im Jon from Monkeybear. Dad to a Monkeybear! I'm starting to understand what makes me me and how I can grow into the name Dad whilst sharing as honestly as I can. Monkeybearkent

Published on 01/08/2018

Four years ago to the day we were four weeks away from the arrival of our first child, The Bear. Now 1462 days later – we are four weeks away from the arrival of the newest addition, Baby Bear.

This pregnancy (like the last one) has been one where I have been actively involved, I have been at all the meetings with the midwife, all the scans etc

Throughout the whole adventure, I can wholeheartedly say that during both pregnancies, we have been expecting a child and that Mama Bear is pregnant.

There is no WE in that last statement.

At no point during either of the pregnancies have I ever muttered the words ‘we’re pregnant’. I have always said when discussing the pregnancies that ‘we’re expecting’ or ‘my wife is pregnant’.

The thought of even muttering the words ‘we’re’ in that context sends a shiver down my spine, for good reason.

To me its disrespectful to Mama Bear.

I think that if I were to say ‘we’re pregnant with our first/second baby’ I would be showing huge disrespect to my wife. By saying ‘we’re’ I imply that I am having an input into the development and the process of the pregnancy.

Sorry, I have no involvement in pregnancy. Nada. None.

The growth and development of our children during pregnancy has nothing to do with me in the slightest.

I am redundant, I have no direct role, and because of this I can claim no verbal responsibility by saying ‘we’re pregnant’.

The only way I could say we’re pregnant is if by some turn of events I end up in a similar situation to Arnold Schwarzenegger in Junior.

As a construction Project Manager I think this is highly unlikely!

Pregnancy is something special that the female of the species is privileged too, not the male.

For 9 months the female body goes under a radical change to allow a new human to be developed and grow in a safe environment.

The body makes sure that during the pregnancy the baby gets the exact environment to start to develop, the mother then makes sure she is fit and healthy to pass on all the ‘good stuff’.

Sorry guys, we have no involvement here so please don’t imagine we do.

During the Mama Bear’s first pregnancy with the Bear, I found having no direct input into the pregnancy pretty difficult in the beginning, especially when the initial movement is felt internally and not externally.

This lack of control cause me to initially ask all the questions every day when ever Mama Bear returned from work.

‘How are you?’

‘How’s the bump?’

‘Any movement?’

‘Any pain?’

‘Anything I can do?’

‘You sure there’s movement?’

In reflection I can see how this may not have been productive.

Learning from experience

Certainly during this second pregnancy I have learnt from experience.

Pregnancy is a wonderful experience but it could be made harder by the partner understanding the needs of the mother and not confusing them with their own needs.

Our role during the 9 months is to make sure we are there – supporting, listening and reading the signs as to how we can ease any discomfort, and in truth not make things harder than they need to be.

So for me, we’re expecting our new arrival in approximately 4 weeks, but we’re not pregnant, Mama Bear is.

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  1. Gred

    Hey Jon, it is interesting you say that because I have always had a certain opposition to men saying they are pregnant or attempting to inflate their stomach area and take picks together with their wives. However, a friend of mine said that people don’t say “we’re pregnant” to infiltrate the woman’s space or rather take any form of credit. Apparently, it is just a show of support and to let the wife know that he will always be there for her, especially more in this 9 month period. I don’t know what you have to say about that…

    • Jon

      Hi Gred,
      I can completely understand that, and any show of support via words or actions are key during pregnancy and relationships.
      For me, I feel that by saying ‘we’re expecting’ feels like a very joined up phrase compare to ‘we’re pregnant’.
      The former make me feel like I’m barging in on the intimate journey between mum and baby.
      Thanks for your comment!

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